Match reports

Red: Paul, James, Oz, Patrick, ?
Yellow: Ahmet, Matt, Daniel, Ibrahim, ?

Low numbers but it was 3-a-side or 10-a-side. So we started with a small pitch, small goals, the half way rule and every-teamate-has-to-have-a-touch-before-you-can-score rule. And it got to 2-1 after five minutes when two extras appeared and we took them on, got rid of the rules and started the clock again. Then it got to 3-3 after another ten minutes when another two joined us and we increased the pitch size, changed to goals back to full size and started the clocks again. They seemed a bit moody because the other team hadn’t let them join their game but that’s what happens when you’re an hour late. The two on Yellow were so moody they couldn’t be bothered to defend. Anyway, back to the game. There was never more than one goal in it, and there wasn’t even that at the end. The game felt like someone had stolen your spliff. Disjointed.

Final score: Red 7 – 7 Yellow

Red: Oz, Ahmet, Matt, Daniel, Damon, Ola, Ibrahim, Bruno
Yellow: Chris, Alan, Larry, Phil, ?, ?, ? ?

Red: Jack, Oz, Ahmet, Eddie, Rafi
Yellow: JP, Daniel, Henny, Gerald, Julius

JP appears! Jack appears! Daniel returns after a month off! Julius, Ahmet and Gerald err on the positive side of maybe and Oz remains a stalwart! And with the other team it was a total of 27!!!! So we went 5-a-side, borrowing a few of theirs and left the rest of them to it.
Rafi started the scoring. Yellow equalised and then romped to a 5-2 lead including the scruffiest of scuffles in the red box, Daniel back healing the first attempt, and the loose ball then being hacked goalwards about 5 times in as many seconds, making the drunk keeper (Jack) very dizzy and although JP stood on the periphery screaming to release the ball to him, everyone ignored his pleas and finally Daniel tried a back heal again and scored. But then Red’s superior passing ability paid dividends and they romped to a 8-5 lead. Daniel was nutmegged by Jack three times, the long grass seemed to thwart Rafi and Eddie, JP got frustrated. Although Yellow stopped the flow and got a few of their own, they couldn’t make up the difference.

Final score: Yellow 8 – 11 Red

Red: Alan, Femy, Jack (theirs), Lee, Phil, Zavier, ?, ?
Yellow: Ahmet, Gerard, John, Matt, Oz, Paul, Prit, Danny

Half time 1-0 to Red.

We were the better team through-out and miss a load of chances in the first half! But overall Danny and Paul both got 2 and Matt got one to ensure eventual victory.

Final score: Red 2 – 5 Yellow

Red: Ahmet, Keith, Femy, Chris, Phil, Prit, ?
Yellow: Paul, Oz, Alan, Pete, Jack (theirs), Fabio, ?

Mixed in with the other lot… Think we had 7-a-side. Ahmet and Keith were on Reds. Paul and I were on yellows. Half time 2-2. Pete got injured half way through the first half which they finished with six but a mate of the others turned up at half time so he went on yellows. Can’t remember the scorers other than Oz who scored the yellows’ 2nd and 4th goals, both setup by Paul… Just like the good ol’ days!

Final score: Red 5 – 4 Yellow

Red: Daniel, Matt, James, Kevin, Oz
Yellow: Pete, Prit, Danny, ?

Heavy rain. Shocking turnout. And some of those who did wanted to go home. Yellow played like they had the extra man. Red couldn’t string much together of note. Matt was frustrated. James wanted his midfield engine award back. But as despondent as we all were at the beginning, no one wanted to lose this one. So they didn’t….with the score at 8-7 to Yellow, Matt launched a long high ball to James up front. It was too high but James jumped and put off 6’3″ Pete just enough that he let the ball fall through his hands and bounce into the goal. Pete fell to his knees with his head in his hands and the clocked beeped before the game could restart. Quite galling for the man who made a fine string of saves and popped up with a goal or two of his own to almost ensure a Yellow victory.

Final score: Red 8 – 8 Yellow

Red: James, Richard, Jack, Tufan, Daniel, John
Yellow: Colin, Paul, Oz, Ahmet, Jim, JP

So a month later I decide to transcribe the events noted down in a draft text:

“Jack chest; defending toomfoolery; 5-1, 5-3, 6-3; Gerald tease; Paul distract; 1st game since June 23rd; JP bet.”

My interpretation: Paul arrived late after failing to get Glastonbury tickets. He was wearing a Yellow top while getting ready AND chatted to the Red keeper which clearly caused a distraction and Yellow popped in the first. Controversial. Jack was the main defensive lynchpin for Red and perfectly chested down a cross intended for the advancing striker, so perfect that it fell right into the path of the striker to fire home. These moments and other defensive tomfoolery meant that Red got up to a 5-1 lead. Yellow got a couple in return but Red finished it off. “Gerald tease”? I can’t recall what this refers to but I do remember that I came up with some analogy to skills he learnt at the Penge transvestite burlesque night at his local last year. However, no one will read this anyway so I’ll use it next time the opportunity arises. It was the first game amongst ourselves since June 23rd. And JP’s now turned up to 1 game in his target to reach 7 by Christmas.

Final score: Yellow 6 – 3 Red

Red (11): Jack, Oz, Ahmet, John, Keith, Gerald, Kevin, Daniel, Femi, Mani, Phil
Yellow (11): Paul, Richard, Colin, James, Tufan, Jim, Matt, Ged, Lee, Alan, Prit

Like I said…Ker-blimey. We could have had 8-a-side but they’ve subsidised us so much over the summer to keep us alive so we took in their six. I’ve used most of my brain power recalling all the names so points of note:

Welcome Ged.
Phil attempting a headed shot but falling like a tree trunk.
Phil (the oldest man on the pitch?) attempting an overhead bicycle kick.
Alan’s clearly deliberate handball – no penalty given.
Daniel’s clearly accidental handball – no penalty given.
Ahmet’s hoof up the pitch, one bounce and a slight touch from Femi to go 1-0 up – neanderthal football at it’s best.
A cracking diving fingertip save from Alan – followed by an immediate follow up shot that he could do nothing about.
Solid keeping from Oz who pulled a muscle so stayed in between the posts for two thirds of the game.
Some vaguely familiar faces…James! Matt! Jack! Paul even!!!
Man of the match? Jack. Always there to stop Yellow attacks in their tracks and numerous vocal instructions to his team mates harking back to a bygone era of Jeremy – that bit’s not a compliment.
You were there – you know all the rest. If you weren’t, we couldn’t have fitted you in anyway.

Final score: Red 2 – 0 Yellow

Yellow (8): Phil, Pete, Tommy, Femi, Sunny, Prit, Stuart, Alan
Red (7): Kevin, Colin, Gerald, Julius, Oz, Daniel, Ahmet

Welcome back Julius and Gerald. All three maybes turned up, and with John usually late but having replied “yes please” to the email, we opted to play against the other team. Another enjoyable game. To a man, Red put in a great effort, firm tackles, interceptions and a solid defence was complimented by Oz, a magnificent attacking midfield general, holding the ball up and distributing red attacks willy-nilly. Somewhere in there Stuart made a great reaction save to a header. Colin regularly got in behind the Yellow defence and was extremely quick to close them down and there was some good support from Julius. But Yellow always seemed to have a man leftover to thwart the final ball. What Oz needed was a holding midfielder just behind him, someone calm on the ball and equally good with their passing. Red looked longingly in the direction of the Clockhouse at the end of Barry Road where John usually appears from…..nothing….
0-0 at half time.
A low speculative shot from Tommy soon after the break looked to have been blocked by a Red foot but (from the point of view of Daniel in goal) said foot appeared to be withdrawn at the last minute which was enough to make the keeper hesitate and the ball rolled in.
The rest of the half was much the same as the first. Tommy was equally in control in the middle, Pete and Stuart behind him were solid in defence although Gerald did get in a lovely pass through them but Daniel fired wide when he should have at least been on target. Femi cut in from the wing, passed, carried on with his run and received it back, splitting the Red defence in the process only to fire over – move of the game. Gerald tangled with Stuart in the area…Penalty? Who knows. It wasn’t given but during the discussion Stuart petulantly hoofed the ball over the other end of the pitch. There’s no need for that. Sunny, who’d hit the bar at the beginning but who’d also been kept quiet for most of the game, was released and slotted in past Colin. Red had done enough to deserve more than that, especially a man down for the whole game and so Julius stole a last minute consolation but the clocked beeped just after the restart.

Final score: Yellow 2 – 1 Red

Epilogue: In honour of Yellow departing with bragging rights this week, I’ve written a short ode as to why.

John.