Match reports

Red: James, Tufan, Richard N, Stuart, Daniel, Prit, Arnie
Yellow: Colin, John G, Keith, Oz, Alan, Phil, Danny

Match abandoned – only 4 people signed up (Keith, Oz, Daniel, Kevin).

Red: Tom, Alan, Arnie, Prit, ?, ? + 1 temporary extra (aka The Hairdressers)
Yellow: Oz, Ahmet, Tufan, John G, Stuart, Kevin, Daniel, (aka The Estate Agents)

On the Eid!
So El Capitano’s enthusiasm didn’t wash on many and just seven of us turned up in the heat so we offered to play the Hairdressers.
A slightly scrappy game with not much of note. Yellow scored first. I then got salty sweat in my eyes so didn’t see them equalise. We got ahead again only for them to pin us back once more. Frequent attempts at what would have been impressive defence-splitting passes were cut out regularly by both teams and the width of the pitch was used well with Tufan often making a ramadan the wing. Alan liked juggling while in goal. We were one man up until they took on a youngster in the latter part of the first half. He made an immediate impact by slotting in but by the break Yellow were already 5-2 up.

Thank you Oz for half-time popsicles. Sadly Daniel couldn’t figure out how to get into his, a fact mirrored on the pitch by his utter inability to figure out how to put the ball in the goal. Red were definitely up for it in the second half. They hajj lots of possession with Tom being the most effective man on the pitch, distributing all around but they couldn’t mecca work. We somehow limited their chances despite their passing superiority, Kevin resolute with ever-changing defensive staff around him. They ought to have punished us even more especially as they went a man up when Stuart’s ankle gave out early in the second half. This was only his third game of the last two years (he’s won all three), a long  and intermittent recuperation. He looked like it was serious but we hope not – get well soon sir. Although Red should have restored at least some parity, they lost their impetus as the youngster departed mid-way through the second half as he was too knackered to carry on! Daniel missed a sitter, sorry two, make it three. Actually, I lost count. He was supported by Ahmet and Tufan who also impressed by their lack of killer instinct so double figures eluded us even though Tufan did eventually find the net. I think they thought we were taking the proverbial as one of them walked off to go home ten minutes before the end. But no, he just wanted to go home. He was persuaded to stay but you could feel they knew it was a lost cause. John G got on the score sheet too but Oz was on fire, islammed in at least 5!!!

Final score: Yellow: 8 – 3 Red

What? The Edinburgh Festival? You’re too kind.

The Richard Piper Testimonial

Red: Richard P, Kevin, James, Richard N, Oz, Gerald + Jack for the second half
Yellow: Colin, Steve, Tufan, Daniel, Naz, Jamie

King for a day! Yes, he picked the teams. 6-a-side on a sunny day, old-skool vs new-skool. And you can’t get newer than Jamie who turned up for his first game. He made an immediate impact too, stealing the limelight by being involved in the first Yellow attack. After a number of passes being pinged around the box he calmly slotted in a low cross. The Red reply was immediate but Yellow were definitely in control and Jamie got on the end of a trademark cross from Steve. Tufan and Naz were making themselves useful up front in a very attacking line-up for Yellow. Richard P made a good save against two-on-one but a dodgy pass by Kevin across his box was pounced on by Colin and Yellow eventually romped to a 5-1 lead at half time. Red were puzzled and asked permission to have Jack (who’d sauntered over late after a night in the pub) join their team – would he be their saviour? Like the teams though, Red were still at sixes and sevens and couldn’t quite make things work. Richard P was given free reign to attack and attack he did, shooting on many occasions. Sadly, he managed to miss more chances than had fallen at his feet for the last two months! He was about to explode with frustration when he finally got one in. And then another one! If you look up the term “bulldozer” in an online dictionary, you’ll find a video of Richard P with the ball at his feet powering through a tangle of legs and bodies without changing course and eventually pushing it over the line. The only part of his body not to be involved were his hands. A roar from the partisan crowd! Would it be a hatrick? Would it inspire his team to dig deep? No. Jamie continued to read the wrong script and fired in two powerful daisy cutters and after some quick passing around the left channel, Daniel curled a shot in off the post to bring up double figures for Yellow. I think Oz, James and Richard N all hit the post but it wasn’t their day. With the clock ticking down Jack decided to play keepy-uppy.

Final score: Yellow 11 – 4 Red

Thank you Gerald for a great memento of top trump cards. Some good portraits, a few action shots and Paul smoking a fag.

Yellow: Colin, Jack, Naz, Oz, Steve
Red: Gerald, John G, Kevin, Richard P, Tufan

Thank you Oz for teams details and score. The other information I have to add is a thank you to Jack for introducing an easten european flavour in the form of Naz. He was a little nervous at first apparently but settled well. A good addition and he has some friends who may like to join us. Huzzah for new blood and even more cosmpolitan than before!

Score: Red 10 – 7 Yellow

Estate Agents: James, Oz, Kevin, James C, Julius, Eliseu, Daniel, Richard P, Colin

Hairdressers: Alan, Tom, James, Ben, Stu, Danny, ?, Steve, John M

We offered to take on four of the hairdressers but suddenly their late arrivals swelled the numbers to 17! Steve and John M kindly offered their services to the opposition.

A game of two halves. Closely fought in the first half despite them being a man down. We went ahead. They equalised after a failed dribble clearance by Eliseu. He rectified the mistake by scoring the equaliser shortly afterwards.

In the second half, we fell apart. They took on a lingering random who wasn’t a natural but made some useful clearances and they equalised shortly after the break. We couldn’t string more than two passes together. Abysmal. It got a bit heated too with a couple of “discussions” due to them being more physical than we’re used to and us being a bit delicate! And for the first time that I recall, we started to have a go at each other – contagious negativity! How we remained at 2-2 for so long I will never know, some good last ditch defending from Kevin and Richard P. But with 10 minutes remaining they finally made us pay – three goals in quick succession. Scored by their tall man Danny but their central midfield trio of James, Ben and Tom regularly tore us open. And to make sure that our spirits were suitably dampened, the heavens opened and soaked us in the last two minutes.

Final score: Us 2 – 5 Them

Being donated to the opposition is an emotionally difficult situation to recover from. To limit the scars we alternate the donatees. Presently, the Donated Membership Fellows include: Kevin, Richard N, Scott (retired), Daniel, Steve (twice), John M, Darren, Rob (retired) & Matt. Our time is served. If you’re name is not on this list – you could be next……

Red (8): Gerald, Richard N, John M, John G, Kevin, Jack, Colin, Tufan
Colours (7): Oz, Bruno, Eliseu, Keith, Daniel, Steve, Julius

A missing clock, a small pitch, lack of bibs and sun. All these seemed to unsettle the large number (15 of us, well done!) of men and it was a rather strange and somewhat silent atmosphere that enveloped the game only punctured by Yellow regularly asking for the time. The grass was rather long, meadow-like even and some individuals did their best to audition for the closing credits of Little House on the Prairie. We just about managed with bibs, Red were red and Yellow were a mix of yellow and a variety of other colours.

Daniel was first in goal and flapped a lot, with a shot hitting the post and Bruno saving his blushes a couple of times. Colours inexplicably passed to John M twice in the opening few minutes even though he was wearing red. Tufan got the breakthrough about ten minutes in, slotting low past Oz from the left. He was linking up well with Colin & the two Johns and the Colours defense wasn’t particularly organised. Red got another shortly after with John M beating the keeper to the ball and firing in a low composed shot from the right. Keith saved a fierce shot from the left hurting his wrist in the process but carried on.

The second half was like the full monty with the heat getting the better of several members of the Colours. At the signal four of them stepped forward like the Arsenal offside trap and ripped off their tops. A feast for the eyes! A turnaround of possession too with Colours permanently camped in the Red third of the pitch. Attacks aplenty but a resolute rearguard let very little through. Daniel finally managed to get a chipped shot in with the keeper apparently scooping it out of the goal but Eliseu bundled it back in to make sure. A little research at full time with the dubious goals panel awarded it to Daniel who’d skimmed a cross along the top of the bar shortly before this. Pretty much the whole team were involved in the numerous attacks but it was frustrating with so little reward. Eliseu must have been particularly perturbed as he advanced from his keeping position beyond the half way line. Gerald tackled him and passed to Tufan who was already in the opposition half and he stroked into the empty net. 3-1 up to Red. Gah!

This inspired them to a short siege of their own but Colours snubbed out the threat and Bruno finally fired a low one in from the left with about five minutes to go, one goal behind. Red kicked off promising to keep possession and wind the game down. They gave the ball away within 5 seconds. Then, with three minutes to go, Tufan the keeper bundles over Oz as he’s about to shoot. Penalty! Oz dusts himself off and steps up. He shoots high towards the top left corner but Tufan dives the same way. Saved!
And then with one minute to go. Colin handles during a tussle with Eliseu who’s about to shoot. Another penalty! Oz steps up to make amends and……..the tension is there….he fires low……are you nervous?……do you care?….Wide!!! Missed again!!!!!
And he’s usually the one to say we should practice penalties!! Ha ha! Yes, Oz, you should.

Handshakes and smiles all round for a great game and an exodus for well-earned cool shower.

Final score: Red 3 – 2 Colours

Report 1: Gerald Jones

Every story, every drama, every history is written from a point of view.  There is no objectivity in writing, only the illusion of knowledge – the skill of the author is in persuading their reader that this was what actually happened, this was the way the events unfolded, this was why she left him.  Smoke and mirrors, boys, smoke and mirrors.  She left him because his breath smelt and he snored.  Simple as.

I arrived at 10am, driving through the river that was once the South Circular, peering into a steady sheet of rain that fell like a curtain  curtain of rain.  As I stepped from the car to look upon the empty Rye, as if for the first time man had gazed upon the rich Savannah of the African plains, I noticed that no one else had bloody turned up.  Light weights.  Richard P. soon joined me followed by Tufan who had been accosted from “The Others” whilst they pitifully sheltered under a tree down the path.  Even though it had clearly stopped raining.  The Others wanted a game.

The game was immense.  The pitch enormous.  The passions inflamed.  Steve kindly offered to play for The Others, and a Ringer stepped in to make up 6 for yellows.  Reds played direct attacking football up the hill, slicing through the channels and going 1-0 up through Tufan.  But Yellows fought back.  Steve crossed from corners and the right with pin-point accuracy onto the heads of Gareth and the other tall chap 1-1.  Gerald had a screaming hissy-fit at the very same tall chap who slid, studs-up, into a tackle with the care free attitude of a man who didn’t mind whether he ended his life with knees or ankles or legs in general.  Towards the end of the first half the Ringer had had enough, he took off his bib and strolled back into the mean streets of Peckham with his bro’s – a very sensible cautionary lecture from Tufan ringing in his ears about the relative morality of leaving a game mid-way through and the consequences of what might happen if he ever tried to join one of our games again.  Whilst this was going on Gareth rolled the ball into the net.  2-1 Yellows.

Half-time negotiations followed.  It was agreed that Yellow’s keeper could pick up the ball (most generous of the Reds to offer that concession I thought), and they could play downhill in the second half, again.  The rain fell and fell.

The aerial threat from the Steve-Gareth omni-combo continued and a further header followed. 3-1 Yellows.  Was this a Murray moment?  Had Reds bottled it, like Kent farmers pretending to adopt the “champagnoise method” and flogging soda-streamed grape juice as if it were Bollinger?  Richard P. pulled his shorts up (literally, and then used a peg)  Gerald was a constant presence of authority on the field, spraying Hollywood passes to the left and right – although not in front where the goal actually was – a threat to himself and others in mid-field, a Rock in defence (I blame the  mud – it was very easy to get bogged down in it).  Several of these passes reached other Red players occasionally.  Tufan dribbled like a new-born Ronaldo, and Richard N., Bruno and James combined to make it 3-2.  Then 3-3 as Bruno picked up the left-overs from a scrappy Red corner and smacked it satisfyingly into goal.  Yes, this was really happening.  Aaargggh  we completely forgot about the aerial threat.  4-3 to Yellows.  Damn the long ball into Number 9.  Another Tufan effort 4-4.  The tide was turning, the rain was falling, Reds felt this was their day, their time, their epoch.  Yellows made a goal-keeping error, failed to pick up a sniping red and it was 5-4.  James apologised to Yellows – it didn’t feel right, yet it felt so right – like reading 50 Shades of Grey on the commuter train on your Kindle.  With three minutes left Gerald went on a surging run on the break, beating one, two, three yellows crossing with the outside of his foot to Bruno who flicked and pirouetted the ball into Yellow’s net. Back-to-back wins against the Others.

You too can make history.  Literally (if you write the match report).

Report 2: James McGowan

Using our well-honed fieldcraft skills we decided to pitch the pitch on a slope to reduce standing water puddles.   Muddy, pretty big pitch (for us), there was even light banter between us and them.  We kicked off up the slope, Tufan causing havoc up front and slots one home to give us the lead.  Good passing generally, Gareth heads one past a diving James to level, great header, it’s like he meant it.  Gareth always a threat up front.  Can’t remember much about the score other than it started level, we went ahead, they went ahead by a couple – then the random decided to leave hence unbalancing a hitherto evenly played match, we were looking forward to playing downhill to eliminate their lead – however to compensate for their 5 vs our 6 we allowed them to pick up from back-passes and played uphill in the second half too.   A fractious moment ina good-natured game occurred when Pete slid-tackled Gerald and received a ticking off from Mr Jones, however peace resumed after apologies and the fact that the rule hadn’t been formally stated at the offset.

Second half Gareth scores another header but eventually the numbers tell and we draw level before negative James gets into a funk allowing Richie to hammer home with the lie “that didn’t feel great….”.  We score another to wrap it up, handshakes all round.

Final score: Red 6-4 Yellow

Yellow struck with their first attack of the game, Keith curling a cross in from the right, Colin got a touch. Control? Shot? Pass? Who knows. Anyway it fell for Daniel to poke in. Steve’s crosses are regular both in quality and quantity, in every game. It’s just a shame we never seem to get on to the end of them to do much them much credit. To finally give some credence to Steve, Daniel got on to the end of a low curling cross to divert the ball in. Tasty and the nonsensical ridicule from Kevin (who wants a mention) had no merit whatsoever – two shots, two goals up. Emil joined us at this point to even up the numbers. Richard N saved a fierce shot from Ahmet from the left. Not much else stands out other than what a great game it was. There was some great passing and numerous attacks from both sides and most were only broken down by some very solid defending from both teams, Kevin and Richard N for Red getting in some hard but fair tackles and for Yellow, Julius and John C were rather effective too.
The second half was much the same, good attacking football. We’re talking quality entertainment here, not a Spanish passing mastercla….zzzzzzzzzz. Ahmet launched another speculative long-ball, a regular route one tactic. It bounced just before the Red goal, bamboozling defender, striker and ultimately Asif the keeper! Some dispute as the whether you can score from goal kicks. Except it wasn’t from a goal kick. Ahmet tried it again immediately afterwards, this time the keeper got fingertips to the ball and it skimmed off the top of the bar. They got an equaliser (I’ve had this saved as a draft for two weeks now but didn’t note down the scorer – apologies) but a diving fingertip save from Daniel turned the ball just round the post to deny Tufan and kept it even (still more ridicule from certain teammates though??). A fair result to smasher of a game.

Final score: Red 2 – 2 Yellow

And just for a laugh, we had penalties. Everyone had a pop and Red won 6-4, Colin’s miss being the worst. “Wide” said the cricket umpire.

Speaking of Creedence, I’m off to a Grateful Dead appreciation society folk/rock/prog festival down in Kent next week having a right rural hippy mind blast so hope it’s far out, man.