Cricket match report: 15.07.12

Special report by Gerald Jones.

Squad: Gerald (plus Friends/Family), Kev (plus F/F), Jeremy (plus
F/F), Dan, James (plus F/F), Liam, Paul (plus F/F),Richard N (plus
F/F), Richard P (plus F/F), Julius (plus F/F)

What a magnificent turn-out for the Peckham Commoners 10th Anniversary game – 30 people in total on an autumnal mid-July afternoon. We came in ridiculous hats (James – yours is being stored in the football rucksack), wore ridiculous “whites” (Gerald sported a fetching high-waisted grey tracksuit from ‘Tu’; Paul looked Evelyn Waugh chic in his ice-white white shirt, ice white shorts and ice white socks with double cadet stripes), and took ridiculous journeys (Richard N. drove like a maniac back from Leeds to get to the match).

Jeremy cycled through the Peckham marshes, and found suitable a patch of five metres of dry bounciness amidst the mud. The vocal supporting picnicing crowd of wives, siblings, partners, children was a testimony to just how popular and appreciated with them our footballing absences have been on a Sunday, every Sunday, over the past 10 years, even when the children were two month-old screaming bundles of pooh and snot. Thank you.

The rules were simple, consisting of all the rules of cricket (too complicated to explain here) plus additional complexities (no scoring behind, everyone bowling, everyone receiving six overs, loss of five runs when you were out, etc.). The teams were pairs, determined by people who had a clue teamed with people who hadn’t been concentrating, I think as follows:

Jeremy and Richard
Paul and Kevin
James and Gerald
Liam and Dan

with special guest teams:

(Richard P and Julius)
(Charlotte P and Helly)
(Anya and Eve)
(Martha, Leonie and Mel, Anya, Eve and various others)

Jeremy’s team got off to a magnificent start – they were -8 by the second over. But with some erotic bowling by the likes of Kev and Gerald (who did bowl Jeremy middle stump with a ‘trickler’) they finished on 21.

Paul smashed the ball around – at some point James caught The Catch Of The Century which must be remembered in the Christmas awards if there is any justice in the world – and midway through a streaker (Helly) ran across the pitch to deliver Gerald some much needed sustenance. But despite these distractions Paul’s team finished on 21. Incredible.

The pattern had been set – efficient, tight bowling by James, Jeremy, Richard and Liam – scary fast bowling by Paul – and a wonderful Magical Mystery Tour of bowling by Kev, Gerald and Dan. Gerald’s random attacks (of tricklers, lobbed grenades and nearly-wides) were particularly devastating at confusing batsmen (should they laugh or duck?).

A ball was lost from a James pull in the Wild Grass area, which led to the crushing of many small animals and insects as children hacked away to turn this sanctuary into generic Peckham Common mud. James’s team after nicking some singles were nine behind with an over to go – James hit a six, then, with the final shot, saw the ball stick in the mud exactly on the boundary. A slightly patronising ‘three’ was awarded leaving them on 21 as well.

Finally, up stepped Liam’s team who worked at a steady rate. Liam needed four from the final ball to tie on 21 – but James’s tight balls gave nothing away and they had to settle for second place.

Final scores:
Jeremy’s team: 21
Paul’s team: 21
James’s team: 21
Liam’s team: 17

A delightful afternoon of wind, cloud and the sound of cricket balls splatting in mud was rounded off by Guest Teams of injured people (Julius, Richard) partners and children who invented a new game of ‘Cricket Relay’ which should be introduced at a professional level (you have to hand over the bat as you pass the other runner).

Usual service resumes next week – and so cricket lovers, until next year, as Geoff Boycott says, You just ‘ave to be patient.

‘Team’ photos can be viewed here