Match reports

Red: Jeremy, Kevin, James, James C, Richard N, Paul, Gerald
Yellow: Oz, JP, Ahmet, Daniel, Richard P, John, Jack

7-a-side. Impressive and even-sided attendance recently – well done.

We found a nice plot this morning, an attractive bijou rectangle on the south-west facing slope for a pied a terre but it transpires that planning permission cannot be granted for common land and today a significant damp problem was discovered. We ignored these minor setbacks and in a short some time had erected a couple of basic frame structures and simple a perimeter. At £1 each per week, this investment will show great returns over a long period of time and will continue to attract local interest. Basic amenities and a cafe are close by and there are good bus links from the location. Bellenden Raod and Lordship Lane also have a large choice of shops, restaurants and pubs.
Red decided to discuss the layout and usage of the property in depth prior to the game whilst Yellow chatted about dropped kebabs, the merits of £1 chicken burgers and general tomfoolery of the night before.
Yellow opened the scoring fairly early on (JP I believe) but Red quickly equalised and pulled away with a torrent of goals to an astonishing 6-1 lead by the break. (The Rye is in a valley so the Environment Agency will have to contacted about possible similar flooding in the future). This was because Red were a coherent team collective whereas Yellow seemed to be averse to anything alluding to teamwork although weirdly the game wasn’t that one-sided. James C was particularly fond of the east wing of the property from the offset and made some tasty crosses with one being put away by Paul who was a constant threat. He rounded Jack later on in the first half to go one on one with Daniel to score. James also stroked one into the empty net after Reds ran rings around the vaguely interested Yellow players.  The defensive combination of Jeremy and Kevin and Richard N (who chose the teams?) made sure very little got through the back door.
The second half showed Jack at his most vocal, instructing fellow squad members to hold their positions or mark certain opponents – a highly experienced project manager. It seemed to work as they stopped the rot and slowly but surely put some goals away. JP crossed a low ball towards the goal which James C as keeper managed to somehow bundle over his own line. Daniel then scoop-chipped a shot over the same keeper and in off the underside of the bar to reduce the deficit further and later fired a loose ball low through a forest of legs only to see Paul save on the line.  At the other end Jack palmed away a low shot across goal from Paul for the tastiest save of the match. Richard P also popped one into the far low corner after a little dribble in from the left wing. However the comeback wasn’t to be.

Final score:  Red 6 – 5 Yellow

Red: Jeremy, Kevin, Daniel, James, Colin, Richard P, Ahmet, Gerald,
Yellow: Jim N, James C, Ed, Oz, JP, Matt, Richard N, John

8-a-side! Blustery, slightly drizzly, and a literally shitty pitch.

16 – Epic! Thank you for your love. But with that many on the pitch and me not being on a computer within 24 hours, my memory becomes hazy. Oz opened the scoring. Richard P got the Red reply I think (?) with Jim N almost saving the ball but it appeared to cross the line before he pulled it back. Red then pulled away to a three goal lead including an unfortunate fumble from Matt in goal – even he knows how bad that looked. He also had a goal ruled out due to a handball. Did it cross the line before or after the hand became involved? Goal line technology once again brought into the spotlight. However he made amends to reduce the deficit to one with a rocket from the right into the far left top corner with Daniel getting a diving hand to it but no one would have stopped that. The were a few fouls in their too, three free kicks in a game you dirty bunch. Think you can hide in numbers eh?! Good game though – proper tactics and formations being used and some tasty football to boot, an almost watchable game!

The Good: Matt’s thunderbolt strike to give Yellow hope.
The Bad: Ed’s tackle on his own team mate leaving James C on the floor or Matt deceiving us all into thinking he’d made a comfortable save but then letting the ball spin through both his hands and fumble it into the net.
The Ugly: Fouls. Jeremy’s trip on James C leaving him once again face down in the mud & John bulldozering Kevin off the pitch

Final Score: Red 3 – 2 Yellow

Red: JP, James, Oz, Daniel, Richard P
Yellow: Paul, Colin, Richard N, John, Kevin

5-a-side. Firm. Overcast & windy.

0 mins – First half kick off.
18 mins – Goal! 1-0 to Red (JP).
40 mins – Half time whistle.
40 mins – Second half kick off.
80 mins – Final whistle.

Final score: Red 1 – 0 Yellow
So then, can you believe it? A 1-0 final score. A lead defended for 62 minutes and the first clean sheet since December 21st, 2008. Looking at the teams I reckon Kevin and Richard Norman were the only recognised defenders – you’d have expected a whole bunch of goals. Striker of the season? Not ‘ere guv’nor.

Yellow: Gerald, Jim N, Ahmet, Stuart, Daniel
Red: Jeremy, Oz, James, Richard N, Richard P

5-a-side. Sticky. Sunny.
Jack proves that he is the most lackadaisical player by not bothering to show up. However, let’s remember that he may have gone to a singles night the previous evening….Insert Monty Pythin catchphrase here.
Stuart returns! Welcome back sir. Oz pulls a hamstring – boooo.
A funny game – Yellow managed to just about put away every chance in the first half with some sublime passing, skill and finishing. Daniel couldn’t stop assisting, Stuart had a resolute time in defense and Jim N was sterling in goal. Ahmet dived to make a great save! Yes, he even got his knees muddy. On the flipside, Red could barely put anything away.
Half time 7-3.
The second half was certainly a turn around with Red dominating the game and Yellow only scoring one. However, despite an uncountable number of shots & corners and all manner of opportunities, Yellow somehow managed (with more than a hint of fluke) to keep out most Red attempts with a mixture of saves and blocks. But if that didn’t work, every member of the Red team conspired to scuff, sky, spoon, hit the post, slice, fluff the rebound and generally miss all manner of chances. Frustration eventually turned to laughter and they resigned themselves to defeat.

Final score: Yellow 8 – 6 Red

Red:  Jeremy, James C, Kevin, Richard N, Jim N,John G

Yellow:  Oz, Ahmet, Jack, Richard P, Ed, Daniel

6-a-side, 2 weeks in a row! A hard game leading to lots of huffing and puffing on both sides. I won’t say much. Everyone on the Yellow team scored. The last time there was a 10 goal difference was on March 8th, 2009 when Daniel was pushed to over to Ruski FC and lost 11-1 (see match report from that date). Three of the six traitors from that game played today in the Red team (the other three didn’t come). I won’t identify the triplet but Jim N, John G, and James C didn’t join PCFC until after April 2009. Schadenfreudic retribution for Daniel even if he did score the own goal to wipe off the clean sheet – an exact reflection of the events (including the final result) of  the aforementioned match. Having said all that, the harsh scoreline is far from the one-sided affair that it suggests. A strut home for the victors, a disappearing act for the rest. Wadya mean that’s a long time to hold a grudge?!

Final score: Red 1 – 11 Yellow

p.s. A clean sheet was last spotted way back on December 21st, 2008.

p.p.s. The only stat I’m keeping this year is how many direct hits in the groin – 3 in two games.

Yellow (6): Ahmet, Colin, Darren, Richard P, Jack, Ed
Red (6): Matt, Paul, Jeremy, Kevin, Daniel, Oz

Thank you Paul for looking after the goals for a week and I hope all your brown speckled toilets have been cleared after the curry.

The first game of the statistical season and it was clear some people wanted to make a name for themselves. An energetic and hard start with both teams putting away a brace of goals. Darren came down the left wing and fired one into the top far corner past Daniel and Colin nodded one down and in at the far post from a cross. In reply Oz stroked home a loose ball coming from a tangle on the right.
Yellow pulled away with a couple more, Darren using his height to head one in and then Ahmet running down the middle to nod in another cross. A definite height advantage. Another attempt from Darren ended with a clash of heads with Jeremy and he went off for a few minutes with a bloody nose. 4-2 up for Yellow.
Red looked eager from the restart after deciding to take a leaf from Yellow by pressing much more but disappointingly Daniel went down like an incredibly slow falling three that got stuck on the way down to let in a weak low shot from Jack dribble underneath him – it barely reached the back of the net. The shame. That proverbial hole that ate Jim last week was definitely hungry.
A shot from Matt was cleared into Daniel’s groin by Ahmet but he gallantly tried to poke the loose ball in (to no avail) before crumpling in a heap. A  soft snap shot from Richard P went straight at Kevin and although he took the ‘sting’ out of it, the ball still went in. A second poor goal to concede. A cross from Matt managed to bounce the ball through a couple of defenders and past the keeper for Daniel to bundle in with the aforementioned groin. A lot of action this week! He also tried to make amends for the earlier calamity and managed to cross through the jungle of legs for Paul to hit one in from the top of the box. A young child sauntered onto the pitch chanting something and assumed he was going to play. Ed had other ideas and with the immortal words of “It’s not your game sunshine” sent the little scamp packing.
And in the last two minutes, Kevin dispossessed Richard P on the left wing and fed through to Oz who poked home. Leaps of joy and a large cheer from Red who hadn’t been in front until now. Oh the pain for Yellow. A won’t try to describe it, I wouldn’t do it justice.
Great game, a positive omen for the year to come?

Final score: Red 7 – 6 Yellow

NB: I am NOT keeping stats on goals, assists, tackles, pass completion, dribbles, saves, headed goals, interceptions………

Red: James, Paul, Richard P, Richard N

Yellow: Jeremy, Darren, Colin, JP, Jim N

5-a-side. Muddy. Last game to influence those awards. Hmm,  a bit of a tit-for tat game. Paul turned up! First goal to Red but Yellow quickly equalised. A tasty backheal from Richard P teed up Paul but the shot was off target and with Daniel hitting the post, Red were frustrated. A couple more goals made it 2-2. Then, Jim N, who’d been pinging off a few wild attempts but tellingly getting closer with each try, poked in a shot at the near post past Daniel just before half time. 3-2 up to Yellow. Oh the despair.

If Red felt demoralised, it got worse as Yellow popped in one the other side of the break. 4-2 up. It felt like a double tap from an SAS soldier at the Iranian embassy. But Red weren’t dead. Daniel got up like a zombie and  asked “did someone say Lazarus?” and began to make amends by receiving  a nice ball coming down the right channel and struck it across Jeremy and in off the far post. Yellow rallied and combined well with JP peeling off Daniel to slot a cross into an empty net. Colin was looking useful on the right wing adding two at a tight angel. From a corner, James pinged across a low hard ball which deflected in off Jeremy at the near post for an own goal. At the other end Darren headed at goal with the keeper out but Richard N was on the line and headed it to safety. Daniel repeated the right wing movement and this time hit one in at the near post and tried it a third time but Darren saved well (a good game in goal)  and with a header from James (I think) beating JP towards the end, it was anyones game especially with the sticky conditions leading to a number of interceptions. However a resolute Jeremy in defence distributed well and two breaks from Yellow both finished with a one-on-one against Daniel and although he came out to reduce the angel,  both shots went in, one from Darren, can’t recall who got the other. Lots going on, all a bit puffed out at the ened. Think I mentioned everyone, sorry I can’t remember who got all the goals.

Final Score: Yellow 8 – 6 Red

Yellow (6):  Oz, Ahmet, Colin, Jim M, Gerald, Richard P

Red (6):  Steve, Daniel, JP, Jeremy, Jim N, Darren

A veritable New Year Bru hah hah! Brisk and hard work and a lot of puffing after the cancelled Christmas game and glutinous holiday. It started on a small pitch which increased in size after a couple of minutes.  It wasn’t magic, we moved the markers. The extra space was gratefully exploited by Red who played some nice one touch stuff, starting at the back with Darren, Jeremy and Steve the combining well. The first came from a speculative cross from Daniel which found JP in the six yard box. They pulled away to a three goal lead but a slack cross field pass from Daniel let in Ahmet to pull one back. The tide wasn’t stopped though and Red kept at it. A generous lay-off to Jim N just to the right of the yellow goal embarrassingly went between his standing leg and swinging one. The proverbial hole appeared and he jumped in but not before gobbling down a large portion of humble pie.  He made amends later with a strange bundle over the line.  Steve was very effective on the right wing, finding plenty of space and the right pass on most occasions. One man clearly found a pot at the end of a rainbow on the way to the pitch and had contracted the midas touch for good measure – JP had a stormer! Two from a tight angel being particularly notable. The only thing he touched that wasn’t gold was the silver platter he presented to Ahmet to gift a goal to Yellow.  Red 6-3 up at the break.

Yellow must have had a gritty half time talk as they had a much more steely second half. Their defense was more solid, Richard P getting stuck in and Jim M limiting activity on the wings with some good tussles and with Ahmet coming through the middle and a pacy Colin on the left wing, they were a different force to reckon with and put away more than Red in the second half. Oz also distributed well but had a very rare off day with his strikes. Colin and Gerald also contributed to their rearguard saving a couple of late efforts. Not to have the attention taken away from him however, JP popped a chip back heal past his own keeper to help their cause. He also fumbled a tricky save to let Jim M poke in the loose ball. A double hatrick but a significant contribution to the Yellow score as well. He must have felt very confused walking home.

Final score: Red 8 – 6 Yellow

Also, while we weren’t looking, a bib imp helped himself to three. I turned up with 11 and went home with 8. I clearly have lost my influence in my unofficial capacity as bib monitor/washer and am therefore tendering my resignation, effective after the awards.

Match abandoned – only four people (Richard N, Jeremy, Oz, Daniel) signed up.

Two beady shrewd and mysterious eyes popped up from the hole at the base of the large tree in the middle of the Rye, flitting from side to side, watching out for “them.” He was always very careful not to be seen; dashing between piles of fallen leaves, tree trunks and patches of uncut wild flowers waving in the the breeze, never leaving a trace of his footsteps. He let out a high-pitched snigger of satisfaction as he drew closer to the place. The place where “they” arrive on the same day each week. “They,” who always ran around like lemmings, trampling the soft green grass into the muddy earth, shouting like loonies while kicking a fallen moon. How strange and tall they were.
He rubbed his hands with glee as he waited behind the root butresses. He gripped the rough bark and peered round the trunk, an evil grin spreading across his face, his brown bushy eyebrows being the only giveaway to his otherwise hidden tiny little form.
He paused. What’s this?! His face dropped and his body began to shake with fear. Complete panic filled his terrifed little body and he shrieked in utter terror.
“They” weren’t there! It used to be rare but over the last year it had happened more often as “they” had begun to show up less frequently on every seventh day. 10 times this year they hadn’t appeared, unheard of! The bib imp ran as fast as he could to The Master to explain why he hadn’t managed to gather a piece of the highly prized mesh cloth. They preferred the yellow but red was still nice. It was futile though. Deep down in his soul he knew his fate was sealed as he recalled what he’d seen before happen to other ones who had failed in the quest. The Master would command his own family, his dear friends. They would all encircle him with their rotting pointed teeth already clenched, saliva dripping from the tongues, thirsty for flesh. And then they’d bite. And rip. And tear. And chew. And gulp. And laugh maniacally as the blood-curdling victim’s scream rang out, the blood arcing from his pierced veins, splattering across their faces and then running down their bearded little chins onto their tongues. Licking, licking, always licking.

Ah, so that’s where the bibs disappear to. Bib imps, of course… silly me. I thought it was because we forgot to take them off or bring them back.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?! I’ve been away for three weeks and we’re down to a total of 11. We used to have 20.

Red (8): Oz, James, Jeremy, Colin, Richard P, James C, Jim M, Jim N
Yellow (7): JP, Jack, Daniel, Steve, Ed, Darren, Joe

I say BE, you say LIEVE.
Me: “Be”
You: “Lieve”
Me: “Be”
You: “Lieve”

Conditions: Brrrrr. Cold, wintery, icey, frosty. Hard ground with three or four inches of snow. But have we ever called a game off for climactic reasons? No siree.

DING DONG! 15 men, strong and true, (apart from a small minority who got hammered the night before who shall remain nameless) did believe and turned up on Peckham Common to play the stupidest crazy game of football. You could feel the love – if there had been mistletoe, it may have got offensive.
The equal highest turnout this year (the 11 a-side attracting the same number) and it’s a surprise we only lost one to injury on the snowy ground. The other team are clearly a bunch of pansies and didn’t show up so we took Joe, the only upright and hardy man amongst them clearly, under our wing. It wasn’t a surface for deft touches, nor was it right for stringing together more passes than fingers on your hand, with one or two amputated. The teams were chosen on the assumption that the numbers were even. They weren’t. Poor mathematics, must do better. So if Yellow started at a disadvantage, it was a further crime against team selection to include all of the aforementioned hammered minority in their team (slightly less nameless).
So after Daniel had marked out the pitched with his graffiti spray, the uneven line reflecting his hungover state, the scrappy game began. A non-descript first few minutes was broken by Red putting in the first goal and then slowly pulling away to a four goal lead without reply. An astonishing passage (given the conditions) of interlinking one touch stuff between James, Jim N and maybe one other player ending in a goal was the best of the bunch. James C (get well soon sir) walked off mid-way through the half with back strain. Yellow didn’t crumble and started knocking on the door with Darren running onto a cross and letting fly with a rocket but sadly off target. They did reply though with one just before then break.
They were more resolute too in the second half and got to within one goal with Steve getting the third, receiving a lose ball, settling himself with one touch and driving into the low far corner with composure. JP was frustrated in his dragbacks on the slippy surface or maybe his inebriated eyes couldn’t determine where his white leggings ended and the snow began. Richard P managed to achieve the hitherto unseen skill (in the whole world of footballing hisotory I proffer) of conceeding a corner from a goal kick. Yes, that means he inadvertently kicked the ball behind his own goal line directly from a goal kick. Amazing. I salute you sir! Jim N skied a shot from 3 yards out, it was bound for the moon. Oz tried to copy him shortly afterwards but his effort was slightly less impressive. The game, if at all possible, became even scrappier as both teams went for the win. Jack (who has clearly decided that he wants more than just one poppadum and a teaspoon of chutney) got a neat volley on target but Richard P dived down to palm the shot away for a tasty save. Maybe if Jack had gone home earlier the night before he might have been successful. A series of repetitive Yellow corners and throw ins from Steve were defended resolutely with Jeremy heading the ball back from whence it came at least 4 times. Finally yet another pass didn’t make it’s target and Red broke away with four men and James duly popped in the fifth goal five minutes before the whistle to kill off hope of a Yellow comeback.
Red almost rubbed salt in the wounds but as Oz pulled back his leg to shoot, Richard P called time so the ball rolled in too late.

Final score: Red 5 – 3 Yellow

A very HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you all.

A prize to the first who can name the 3 members of the drunk minority……?