Match reports

Red: James, Paul, Richard P, Richard N

Yellow: Jeremy, Darren, Colin, JP, Jim N

5-a-side. Muddy. Last game to influence those awards. Hmm,  a bit of a tit-for tat game. Paul turned up! First goal to Red but Yellow quickly equalised. A tasty backheal from Richard P teed up Paul but the shot was off target and with Daniel hitting the post, Red were frustrated. A couple more goals made it 2-2. Then, Jim N, who’d been pinging off a few wild attempts but tellingly getting closer with each try, poked in a shot at the near post past Daniel just before half time. 3-2 up to Yellow. Oh the despair.

If Red felt demoralised, it got worse as Yellow popped in one the other side of the break. 4-2 up. It felt like a double tap from an SAS soldier at the Iranian embassy. But Red weren’t dead. Daniel got up like a zombie and  asked “did someone say Lazarus?” and began to make amends by receiving  a nice ball coming down the right channel and struck it across Jeremy and in off the far post. Yellow rallied and combined well with JP peeling off Daniel to slot a cross into an empty net. Colin was looking useful on the right wing adding two at a tight angel. From a corner, James pinged across a low hard ball which deflected in off Jeremy at the near post for an own goal. At the other end Darren headed at goal with the keeper out but Richard N was on the line and headed it to safety. Daniel repeated the right wing movement and this time hit one in at the near post and tried it a third time but Darren saved well (a good game in goal)  and with a header from James (I think) beating JP towards the end, it was anyones game especially with the sticky conditions leading to a number of interceptions. However a resolute Jeremy in defence distributed well and two breaks from Yellow both finished with a one-on-one against Daniel and although he came out to reduce the angel,  both shots went in, one from Darren, can’t recall who got the other. Lots going on, all a bit puffed out at the ened. Think I mentioned everyone, sorry I can’t remember who got all the goals.

Final Score: Yellow 8 – 6 Red

Yellow (6):  Oz, Ahmet, Colin, Jim M, Gerald, Richard P

Red (6):  Steve, Daniel, JP, Jeremy, Jim N, Darren

A veritable New Year Bru hah hah! Brisk and hard work and a lot of puffing after the cancelled Christmas game and glutinous holiday. It started on a small pitch which increased in size after a couple of minutes.  It wasn’t magic, we moved the markers. The extra space was gratefully exploited by Red who played some nice one touch stuff, starting at the back with Darren, Jeremy and Steve the combining well. The first came from a speculative cross from Daniel which found JP in the six yard box. They pulled away to a three goal lead but a slack cross field pass from Daniel let in Ahmet to pull one back. The tide wasn’t stopped though and Red kept at it. A generous lay-off to Jim N just to the right of the yellow goal embarrassingly went between his standing leg and swinging one. The proverbial hole appeared and he jumped in but not before gobbling down a large portion of humble pie.  He made amends later with a strange bundle over the line.  Steve was very effective on the right wing, finding plenty of space and the right pass on most occasions. One man clearly found a pot at the end of a rainbow on the way to the pitch and had contracted the midas touch for good measure – JP had a stormer! Two from a tight angel being particularly notable. The only thing he touched that wasn’t gold was the silver platter he presented to Ahmet to gift a goal to Yellow.  Red 6-3 up at the break.

Yellow must have had a gritty half time talk as they had a much more steely second half. Their defense was more solid, Richard P getting stuck in and Jim M limiting activity on the wings with some good tussles and with Ahmet coming through the middle and a pacy Colin on the left wing, they were a different force to reckon with and put away more than Red in the second half. Oz also distributed well but had a very rare off day with his strikes. Colin and Gerald also contributed to their rearguard saving a couple of late efforts. Not to have the attention taken away from him however, JP popped a chip back heal past his own keeper to help their cause. He also fumbled a tricky save to let Jim M poke in the loose ball. A double hatrick but a significant contribution to the Yellow score as well. He must have felt very confused walking home.

Final score: Red 8 – 6 Yellow

Also, while we weren’t looking, a bib imp helped himself to three. I turned up with 11 and went home with 8. I clearly have lost my influence in my unofficial capacity as bib monitor/washer and am therefore tendering my resignation, effective after the awards.

Match abandoned – only four people (Richard N, Jeremy, Oz, Daniel) signed up.

Two beady shrewd and mysterious eyes popped up from the hole at the base of the large tree in the middle of the Rye, flitting from side to side, watching out for “them.” He was always very careful not to be seen; dashing between piles of fallen leaves, tree trunks and patches of uncut wild flowers waving in the the breeze, never leaving a trace of his footsteps. He let out a high-pitched snigger of satisfaction as he drew closer to the place. The place where “they” arrive on the same day each week. “They,” who always ran around like lemmings, trampling the soft green grass into the muddy earth, shouting like loonies while kicking a fallen moon. How strange and tall they were.
He rubbed his hands with glee as he waited behind the root butresses. He gripped the rough bark and peered round the trunk, an evil grin spreading across his face, his brown bushy eyebrows being the only giveaway to his otherwise hidden tiny little form.
He paused. What’s this?! His face dropped and his body began to shake with fear. Complete panic filled his terrifed little body and he shrieked in utter terror.
“They” weren’t there! It used to be rare but over the last year it had happened more often as “they” had begun to show up less frequently on every seventh day. 10 times this year they hadn’t appeared, unheard of! The bib imp ran as fast as he could to The Master to explain why he hadn’t managed to gather a piece of the highly prized mesh cloth. They preferred the yellow but red was still nice. It was futile though. Deep down in his soul he knew his fate was sealed as he recalled what he’d seen before happen to other ones who had failed in the quest. The Master would command his own family, his dear friends. They would all encircle him with their rotting pointed teeth already clenched, saliva dripping from the tongues, thirsty for flesh. And then they’d bite. And rip. And tear. And chew. And gulp. And laugh maniacally as the blood-curdling victim’s scream rang out, the blood arcing from his pierced veins, splattering across their faces and then running down their bearded little chins onto their tongues. Licking, licking, always licking.

Ah, so that’s where the bibs disappear to. Bib imps, of course… silly me. I thought it was because we forgot to take them off or bring them back.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?! I’ve been away for three weeks and we’re down to a total of 11. We used to have 20.

Red (8): Oz, James, Jeremy, Colin, Richard P, James C, Jim M, Jim N
Yellow (7): JP, Jack, Daniel, Steve, Ed, Darren, Joe

I say BE, you say LIEVE.
Me: “Be”
You: “Lieve”
Me: “Be”
You: “Lieve”

Conditions: Brrrrr. Cold, wintery, icey, frosty. Hard ground with three or four inches of snow. But have we ever called a game off for climactic reasons? No siree.

DING DONG! 15 men, strong and true, (apart from a small minority who got hammered the night before who shall remain nameless) did believe and turned up on Peckham Common to play the stupidest crazy game of football. You could feel the love – if there had been mistletoe, it may have got offensive.
The equal highest turnout this year (the 11 a-side attracting the same number) and it’s a surprise we only lost one to injury on the snowy ground. The other team are clearly a bunch of pansies and didn’t show up so we took Joe, the only upright and hardy man amongst them clearly, under our wing. It wasn’t a surface for deft touches, nor was it right for stringing together more passes than fingers on your hand, with one or two amputated. The teams were chosen on the assumption that the numbers were even. They weren’t. Poor mathematics, must do better. So if Yellow started at a disadvantage, it was a further crime against team selection to include all of the aforementioned hammered minority in their team (slightly less nameless).
So after Daniel had marked out the pitched with his graffiti spray, the uneven line reflecting his hungover state, the scrappy game began. A non-descript first few minutes was broken by Red putting in the first goal and then slowly pulling away to a four goal lead without reply. An astonishing passage (given the conditions) of interlinking one touch stuff between James, Jim N and maybe one other player ending in a goal was the best of the bunch. James C (get well soon sir) walked off mid-way through the half with back strain. Yellow didn’t crumble and started knocking on the door with Darren running onto a cross and letting fly with a rocket but sadly off target. They did reply though with one just before then break.
They were more resolute too in the second half and got to within one goal with Steve getting the third, receiving a lose ball, settling himself with one touch and driving into the low far corner with composure. JP was frustrated in his dragbacks on the slippy surface or maybe his inebriated eyes couldn’t determine where his white leggings ended and the snow began. Richard P managed to achieve the hitherto unseen skill (in the whole world of footballing hisotory I proffer) of conceeding a corner from a goal kick. Yes, that means he inadvertently kicked the ball behind his own goal line directly from a goal kick. Amazing. I salute you sir! Jim N skied a shot from 3 yards out, it was bound for the moon. Oz tried to copy him shortly afterwards but his effort was slightly less impressive. The game, if at all possible, became even scrappier as both teams went for the win. Jack (who has clearly decided that he wants more than just one poppadum and a teaspoon of chutney) got a neat volley on target but Richard P dived down to palm the shot away for a tasty save. Maybe if Jack had gone home earlier the night before he might have been successful. A series of repetitive Yellow corners and throw ins from Steve were defended resolutely with Jeremy heading the ball back from whence it came at least 4 times. Finally yet another pass didn’t make it’s target and Red broke away with four men and James duly popped in the fifth goal five minutes before the whistle to kill off hope of a Yellow comeback.
Red almost rubbed salt in the wounds but as Oz pulled back his leg to shoot, Richard P called time so the ball rolled in too late.

Final score: Red 5 – 3 Yellow

A very HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you all.

A prize to the first who can name the 3 members of the drunk minority……?

Red (5): Ahmet, Colin, Jeremy, Kevin, Matt
Yellow (6): Jack, Jim N, JP, Oz, Richard N, Richard P

Oz: I think the first half ended 4-2 to Reds.  Kevin: A five minute spell in the second half saw Yellow take the lead for the first time. MOM surely has to be Colin; two great goals, excellent tackling and an unstoppable engine.

Brilliant report.

Final Score: Yellow 9 – 5 Red

Match abandoned – only five people (JP, Jeremy, Kevin, Oz, Ed) signed up.

Red (5): Colin, Jeremy, Kevin, Oz and Richard P.
Yellow (4): Ahmet, Darren, Gerald and JP.

Red (5): Richard P, Kevin, Richard N, Oz, Ed
Yellow (4): Jim N, Gerald, Ahmet, Daniel

Wow. That was a humdinging broo-haha.
Fast and furious start which carried on through the whole game. Yellow started ever so slightly brighter with some lovely passing, movement & open play but red weren’t far off the pace and slotted in the first two goals. Daniel then rectified the imbalance after initially being frustrated in front of goal. Inspired by Spurs whooping Arsenal’s butt the day before, wanting to avenge Denmark’s missed penalty resulting in a goalless draw with the Czech Republic midweek and wanting to beat his personal best of 46 goals in a season and maybe even reach 50 (how many reasons do you need?), he morphed into Brian Laudrup using hitherto unforeseen dribbling and shooting skills and popped in a hatrick and with another goal going in from someone else (Jim maybe, sorry – can’t quite recall) they were suddenly up 4-2. Red looked shellshocked but didn’t give up and replied before the break to reduce the difference to one.
Jim valiantly played in goal for a significant part of the game after suffering a calf strain mid-way through the first half. He kept yellow in the game with some sterling work between the posts, the highlight being a lightening reflex to palm away a bullet from Oz. Not to be outdone, Norman in goal at the other end was sent the wrong way with a feint but managed to turn the shot round the post with his trailing arm. Magnificent stuff. Ed and Gerald had a wonderful game-long duel down the wing, honours even at the whistle I would say.
The second half started with red popping in a couple, Kevin putting in one with schadenfreudic glee but then pinged in an own goal which wiped the grin from his face. A quiet period in the middle with Piper as the defensive stalwart for Red was interrupted by his team suddenly pumping in three in quick succession and yellow begun to hang their heads, 6-9 down. Yellow tactic – put Ahmet in goal for the last five minutes and use the well-known striking threesome of Daniel, Gerald and Jim! It worked – Ahmet got a three minute goalkeeper hatrick! Daniel’s personal tally stuck on 49…….the winner would have been sooooo sweet.
It was a great open game with some fantastic through balls, passing, movement, blocks, shots, goals, saves. I’m sorry if I’ve missed off stuff, I can’t recall all that deserves a mention. If you weren’t there, you missed out.
Final score: 9-9.

Jeremy, JP – you too-embarrassed-and-ashamed-to-even-show-your-faces losing Arsenal bums – Where were ya?! Where were ya?!

Red (4): Jeremy, James C, Ahmet, Colin
Yellow (5): JP, Jim N, Richard P, Daniel, Oz

5 v 4. JP got two own goals but made amends by scoring from the spot. Jeremy threw the ball from one end to the other to score. Daniel and Ahmet were involved in the worlds longest tackle. Yellow only spent a couple of minutes in front at 7-6. It rained.

Final score: Red 12 – 11 Yellow

Red: John G, Jeremy, Gerald, James, Tufan, Jim N
Yellow: Kevin, Richard P, JP, Ed, Daniel, Ahmet

6-a-side, nice. A rare appearance by Tufan. John had to leave at half time so Red started with an allegedly stronger team to hopefully build a cushion. They promptly pulled away to a 3 goal lead which caused some fireworks between the defensive pairing of Kevin and Richard P. But Yellow weren’t without chances and pulled a couple back and just when they were about to get in front, Daniel’s pass back to the keeper trickled under Ed’s foot into the goal. Doh. John got a 10 minute hatrick and Tufan was a marauding and dangerous midfield motor. However, Daniel made amends for the earlier combined error by crossing along the 18 yard box for Ahmet to fire a rocket in and then by stroking home a generous lay-off by JP just before the whistle. Yellow 6-5 up into the break.
The second half was a little more cagey, Red finding it harder to find a pass and being taunted by JP showboating with some needless trickery without the opposition anywhere near him. Gerald also tried to keep up the dangerous practise of passing blindly despite Jeremy’s half-time banning of the stunt. Yellow got a couple more but had a complacent wobble and Red had a little of their own in-fighting. However it was Yellow who kept their heads and used the superior numbers to triumph, Daniel picking up a loose ball on the half way line and slotting past Jeremy to put the game beyond reach. Red got one more but too late to have any effect. Some tasty saves in there too, James tipping over a rising shot being one and Richard stretching to push away a whizzing flyer from Jeremy the best of a bunch.  A drunk tramp complete with fag & can of lager interrupting the last 5 minutes was an interesting spectacle – clearly hadn’t slept & high as kite.
Final score: Yellow 9-7 Red