Match reports

Yellow (6): James, Jack, JP, Ahmet, Oz, Daniel
Red (7): Kevin, Jeremy, Colin, Darren, James C, Richard N, John

Strange teams – not a criticism, merely an opinion expressed by some.
Yellow always seemed to be chasing ever so slightly and the ground was a little unpredictable leading to several errors.
Red scored, Yellow equalised. Red scored, Yellow equalised. Red scored Yellow equalised. And with neither team content with a draw, the last ten minutes included chances at either end. Red triumphed with a minute to go, the ball breaking for James C to go one on one with the keeper and calmly slotting in.

Final score: Red 4 – 3 Yellow

Red (7): Colin, Darren, Gerald, James, Jim N, JP, Oz
Yellow (6): Ahmet, James C, Kevin, Matt, Jeremy, Richard N

Numerically even sides – defence vs attack? All the defensive eggs (Jeremy, Ahmet, Kevin, Richard N) on Yellow. A drier week meant the pitch was quite firm, even crusty in places which made for an uneven bounce. The game got underway and we quickly realised the other player involved; Bob-Lee Pitch. He was constantly blamed for poor control and wayward shots, rightly so it has to be said. Then from the mist, an apparition in blue – Darren, who was on Korean time, is allocated to Red. Game on! The aforementioned Bob-Lee made for a fairly random, bitty affair with a lack of the free-flowing movement we’re all used to. For example one of the biggest cheers was for Colin shepherding Ahmet for a throw in. A tight first half was punctuated in typical style by JP who bagged a couple of trademark strikes in the space of five minutes – both low, right-footed, across the goal. Yellow’s best chances came from throw-ins and corners where their overall height advantage could be felt. Red 2-0 up at half time.

The second half saw the introduction of a fine drizzle making for slippery conditions. Yellows, acknowledging their numerical inferiority, reorganised and defended deeper and squeezed the space to slow down the Ahmet juggernaut. These tactics reduced Red to only a few snippets in the second half but also reduced Yellow attacking options. Taking the aerial route, Yellow carved the better chances of the half with a series of excellent flick-ons from Ahmet. Red had their own chances. Some classic “Flying North” shots and JP being bounced around like a pinball by the Yellow defence but a stalemate ensued. With just one keeper change left Red got one back through Mr Crawford. Good pressure resulted in a crafty steal and he rode another challenge before unleashing into the net. This provided the rally and Yellow frantically threw everything forward to lay siege to the Red goal for the final five minutes and it was from a throw shortly after the shout of “15 seconds left” that Matt climbed to nod over the line. Incredible scenes! This is what we live for.

Final score: Red 2 – 2 Yellow

Quote of the game: “Control the bobble, control the game.” Gerald. 3 mins.

Yellow: Oz, Richard P, Daniel, Jack, John

Red: Richard N, Paul, Jim N, Kevin, Gerald

5-a-side. Sunny. Soft. Fallow – needs a trim.

Oh whatever. Vague memories of a good yet slightly non-descript game (hence the bland report) include: Jack was solid in defence. Oz laid off a-plenty. Daniel dinked one in from a John corner after an un-marked run. He also took a corner and although he tried to aim for Oz’s head at the back post, he scuffed the ground with his boot and the ball stayed low and curled straight into the goal past Gerald. He then conspired with John to miss at every (and numerous they were) opportunity. Red – my apologies, I can’t recall anything you did apart from Richard N and Jim N flummoxing each other from a cross field ball from Kevin. 5-3 to Yellow at half time.

Second half, Red caught the missing disease and couldn’t score for toffee, Paul being strangely off-colour. In contrast, Yellow did take their chances and pulled away to a comfortable win, first time strikes being the name of the game with Jack, Richard P and Daniel all scoring low strikes from generous lay offs – good team play. John lost his 100% losing streak, Gerald lost his 100% winning streak.

Final score: Yellow 9 – 3 Red

Red: Richard P, Ed, Ahmet, Mike*, Alex*

Yellow: Richard N, Oz, Kevin, Colin, Daniel

*Newbies – welcome!

5-a-side. Sunny! Soggy. For future reference, the top of the hill doesn’t drain any quicker than the usual patch. Yellow scored first with Colin deftly poking in from a low corner. Red replied promptly and the pulled away to a 9-4 lead over the game, the new twosome turned out to be quite good. Too many goals for me to recall. I do remember Ahmet unselfishly crossing for Ed at the backpost who managed to prod home nonchalantly despite looking extremely put out to even have to move his leg to hit the ball in from half a yard out. Mike tried a overhead scissor but missed the ball although he put away a couple of other tasty goals. Yellow forgot to select a keeper at the beginning of the second half but they did finally perk up in the last 10 minutes to score 4 goals. Huzzah! Sadly Red scored another 3 in the same time.

Final score: Red 11 – 8 Yellow

Red: Jeremy, Kevin, James, James C, Richard N, Paul, Gerald
Yellow: Oz, JP, Ahmet, Daniel, Richard P, John, Jack

7-a-side. Impressive and even-sided attendance recently – well done.

We found a nice plot this morning, an attractive bijou rectangle on the south-west facing slope for a pied a terre but it transpires that planning permission cannot be granted for common land and today a significant damp problem was discovered. We ignored these minor setbacks and in a short some time had erected a couple of basic frame structures and simple a perimeter. At £1 each per week, this investment will show great returns over a long period of time and will continue to attract local interest. Basic amenities and a cafe are close by and there are good bus links from the location. Bellenden Raod and Lordship Lane also have a large choice of shops, restaurants and pubs.
Red decided to discuss the layout and usage of the property in depth prior to the game whilst Yellow chatted about dropped kebabs, the merits of £1 chicken burgers and general tomfoolery of the night before.
Yellow opened the scoring fairly early on (JP I believe) but Red quickly equalised and pulled away with a torrent of goals to an astonishing 6-1 lead by the break. (The Rye is in a valley so the Environment Agency will have to contacted about possible similar flooding in the future). This was because Red were a coherent team collective whereas Yellow seemed to be averse to anything alluding to teamwork although weirdly the game wasn’t that one-sided. James C was particularly fond of the east wing of the property from the offset and made some tasty crosses with one being put away by Paul who was a constant threat. He rounded Jack later on in the first half to go one on one with Daniel to score. James also stroked one into the empty net after Reds ran rings around the vaguely interested Yellow players.  The defensive combination of Jeremy and Kevin and Richard N (who chose the teams?) made sure very little got through the back door.
The second half showed Jack at his most vocal, instructing fellow squad members to hold their positions or mark certain opponents – a highly experienced project manager. It seemed to work as they stopped the rot and slowly but surely put some goals away. JP crossed a low ball towards the goal which James C as keeper managed to somehow bundle over his own line. Daniel then scoop-chipped a shot over the same keeper and in off the underside of the bar to reduce the deficit further and later fired a loose ball low through a forest of legs only to see Paul save on the line.  At the other end Jack palmed away a low shot across goal from Paul for the tastiest save of the match. Richard P also popped one into the far low corner after a little dribble in from the left wing. However the comeback wasn’t to be.

Final score:  Red 6 – 5 Yellow

Red: Jeremy, Kevin, Daniel, James, Colin, Richard P, Ahmet, Gerald,
Yellow: Jim N, James C, Ed, Oz, JP, Matt, Richard N, John

8-a-side! Blustery, slightly drizzly, and a literally shitty pitch.

16 – Epic! Thank you for your love. But with that many on the pitch and me not being on a computer within 24 hours, my memory becomes hazy. Oz opened the scoring. Richard P got the Red reply I think (?) with Jim N almost saving the ball but it appeared to cross the line before he pulled it back. Red then pulled away to a three goal lead including an unfortunate fumble from Matt in goal – even he knows how bad that looked. He also had a goal ruled out due to a handball. Did it cross the line before or after the hand became involved? Goal line technology once again brought into the spotlight. However he made amends to reduce the deficit to one with a rocket from the right into the far left top corner with Daniel getting a diving hand to it but no one would have stopped that. The were a few fouls in their too, three free kicks in a game you dirty bunch. Think you can hide in numbers eh?! Good game though – proper tactics and formations being used and some tasty football to boot, an almost watchable game!

The Good: Matt’s thunderbolt strike to give Yellow hope.
The Bad: Ed’s tackle on his own team mate leaving James C on the floor or Matt deceiving us all into thinking he’d made a comfortable save but then letting the ball spin through both his hands and fumble it into the net.
The Ugly: Fouls. Jeremy’s trip on James C leaving him once again face down in the mud & John bulldozering Kevin off the pitch

Final Score: Red 3 – 2 Yellow

Red: JP, James, Oz, Daniel, Richard P
Yellow: Paul, Colin, Richard N, John, Kevin

5-a-side. Firm. Overcast & windy.

0 mins – First half kick off.
18 mins – Goal! 1-0 to Red (JP).
40 mins – Half time whistle.
40 mins – Second half kick off.
80 mins – Final whistle.

Final score: Red 1 – 0 Yellow
So then, can you believe it? A 1-0 final score. A lead defended for 62 minutes and the first clean sheet since December 21st, 2008. Looking at the teams I reckon Kevin and Richard Norman were the only recognised defenders – you’d have expected a whole bunch of goals. Striker of the season? Not ‘ere guv’nor.

Yellow: Gerald, Jim N, Ahmet, Stuart, Daniel
Red: Jeremy, Oz, James, Richard N, Richard P

5-a-side. Sticky. Sunny.
Jack proves that he is the most lackadaisical player by not bothering to show up. However, let’s remember that he may have gone to a singles night the previous evening….Insert Monty Pythin catchphrase here.
Stuart returns! Welcome back sir. Oz pulls a hamstring – boooo.
A funny game – Yellow managed to just about put away every chance in the first half with some sublime passing, skill and finishing. Daniel couldn’t stop assisting, Stuart had a resolute time in defense and Jim N was sterling in goal. Ahmet dived to make a great save! Yes, he even got his knees muddy. On the flipside, Red could barely put anything away.
Half time 7-3.
The second half was certainly a turn around with Red dominating the game and Yellow only scoring one. However, despite an uncountable number of shots & corners and all manner of opportunities, Yellow somehow managed (with more than a hint of fluke) to keep out most Red attempts with a mixture of saves and blocks. But if that didn’t work, every member of the Red team conspired to scuff, sky, spoon, hit the post, slice, fluff the rebound and generally miss all manner of chances. Frustration eventually turned to laughter and they resigned themselves to defeat.

Final score: Yellow 8 – 6 Red

Red:  Jeremy, James C, Kevin, Richard N, Jim N,John G

Yellow:  Oz, Ahmet, Jack, Richard P, Ed, Daniel

6-a-side, 2 weeks in a row! A hard game leading to lots of huffing and puffing on both sides. I won’t say much. Everyone on the Yellow team scored. The last time there was a 10 goal difference was on March 8th, 2009 when Daniel was pushed to over to Ruski FC and lost 11-1 (see match report from that date). Three of the six traitors from that game played today in the Red team (the other three didn’t come). I won’t identify the triplet but Jim N, John G, and James C didn’t join PCFC until after April 2009. Schadenfreudic retribution for Daniel even if he did score the own goal to wipe off the clean sheet – an exact reflection of the events (including the final result) of  the aforementioned match. Having said all that, the harsh scoreline is far from the one-sided affair that it suggests. A strut home for the victors, a disappearing act for the rest. Wadya mean that’s a long time to hold a grudge?!

Final score: Red 1 – 11 Yellow

p.s. A clean sheet was last spotted way back on December 21st, 2008.

p.p.s. The only stat I’m keeping this year is how many direct hits in the groin – 3 in two games.

Yellow (6): Ahmet, Colin, Darren, Richard P, Jack, Ed
Red (6): Matt, Paul, Jeremy, Kevin, Daniel, Oz

Thank you Paul for looking after the goals for a week and I hope all your brown speckled toilets have been cleared after the curry.

The first game of the statistical season and it was clear some people wanted to make a name for themselves. An energetic and hard start with both teams putting away a brace of goals. Darren came down the left wing and fired one into the top far corner past Daniel and Colin nodded one down and in at the far post from a cross. In reply Oz stroked home a loose ball coming from a tangle on the right.
Yellow pulled away with a couple more, Darren using his height to head one in and then Ahmet running down the middle to nod in another cross. A definite height advantage. Another attempt from Darren ended with a clash of heads with Jeremy and he went off for a few minutes with a bloody nose. 4-2 up for Yellow.
Red looked eager from the restart after deciding to take a leaf from Yellow by pressing much more but disappointingly Daniel went down like an incredibly slow falling three that got stuck on the way down to let in a weak low shot from Jack dribble underneath him – it barely reached the back of the net. The shame. That proverbial hole that ate Jim last week was definitely hungry.
A shot from Matt was cleared into Daniel’s groin by Ahmet but he gallantly tried to poke the loose ball in (to no avail) before crumpling in a heap. A  soft snap shot from Richard P went straight at Kevin and although he took the ‘sting’ out of it, the ball still went in. A second poor goal to concede. A cross from Matt managed to bounce the ball through a couple of defenders and past the keeper for Daniel to bundle in with the aforementioned groin. A lot of action this week! He also tried to make amends for the earlier calamity and managed to cross through the jungle of legs for Paul to hit one in from the top of the box. A young child sauntered onto the pitch chanting something and assumed he was going to play. Ed had other ideas and with the immortal words of “It’s not your game sunshine” sent the little scamp packing.
And in the last two minutes, Kevin dispossessed Richard P on the left wing and fed through to Oz who poked home. Leaps of joy and a large cheer from Red who hadn’t been in front until now. Oh the pain for Yellow. A won’t try to describe it, I wouldn’t do it justice.
Great game, a positive omen for the year to come?

Final score: Red 7 – 6 Yellow

NB: I am NOT keeping stats on goals, assists, tackles, pass completion, dribbles, saves, headed goals, interceptions………