Match report: 17.03.18

A white blanket covered the ground. White pitch markers. White ball. We love a game in the snow. Except JP. Daniel and Richard picked teams in fair fashion, divvying up the talents equally. And then John arrived just as the game started to make the things uneven. He was shoved onto Red for the first half and they put him in goal in what proved to be a match-defining move. Tufan put in a cross from near the corner to no one in particular and John fumbled it into the net. He failed to get a grip on another shot a little while later and under close pressure from Daniel, contrived to bundle it into his own goal again. Daniel nodded in Tufan’s cross shortly after for a third, all in under eight minutes, so John was unceremoniously hoicked out of goal. Despite Gerald’s corner (unintentionally) bouncing in his own half, Red began to claw some parity back, including a powerful close range drive from Oz, and went into the break only three goals to two down.

John swapped to Yellow for the second half with Red in the ascendancy and amazingly they brought it back to 4-4. John’s lack of a Yellow bib was confusing so he progressively borrowed parts of Gerald’s wardrobe so one looked liked the other which was just as confusing. Richard and Jim traded attempts to see who could shoot highest over the goal. Daniel got smacked in the face with a shot at the same time as a Danish ex-player turned up to watch and chat and with Jeremy pointing out it was time to swap keepers, the triple confusion led to Red side-footing in a simple goal despite Yellow keeper and defender having their backs turned. Cheap, ungentlemanly tactics and coupled with Jeremy calling two penalties, the first a totally harsh handball against Daniel (which was righteously saved) and then a second which was also saved, but then James came on from behind the goal to poke in the lose ball, the lack of a moral Red line was laid bare for all to see such was their desperation to win. But this just galvanised Yellow who weren’t in any mood to let their lead disappear, Jack sacrificing a gashed knee to the cause, and thus it was with schadenfreudic glee that a collective guffaw was emitted as Jeremy and James bumbled in another Red own-goal. They kept the score close though, always within touching distance and also demanded two extra minutes for injury time (from Daniel’s injury – the time that they waived play on and scored) but John had other ideas and smacked in his fourth of the half! A one-man anti-Red sabotage unit.

Final score: Red 9 – 11 Yellow