Match reports

Red: Oz, Jared, Gerald, Richard, Daniel

Yellow: Jeremy, Matt, Tufan, Paul

We eventually found a part of the Rye unoccupied by another team. It was level and bobbly and an area where we’d never played before. Paul suggested a smaller  pitch, Richard suggested bigger.

Good attacks and stingy defences from both teams and 0-0 for the first 20 minutes. For the first time in 19 years of existence, Gerald and Jared decided to have tactical discussions before taking corners! It worked…Gerald’s low and hard drive came through the box for Daniel to side-foot in from half a yard out. He confessed to being scared he’d miss it. He cocked-up shortly after though, blocking an attack but softly passing across the pitch to Oz, Jeremy intercepted and slotted in. He followed up for shortly after with a long ball over the top that eluded everyone and went in for his second leaving Yellow 2-1 up at half time.

Yellow’s numerous attacks were thwarted by defenders or the woodwork whereas Red didn’t score because Oz kept missing. He got an assist though, curling a low ball around the defence for Daniel to side-foot in at full stretch. Yellow again went ahead but my sketchy notes don’t credit the scorer. Oz finally he got his just reward, striding forward a few steps beyond half-way and firing in a low drive past the keeper. Richard Piper powered down the right wing, seemingly too far but he fired in from the tightest of angles and victory looked secure. However in a final twist, Jared contrived to bundle in an own goal in the last minute of the game. He was livid with himself.

“That was a fun, tree-smackingly good game”  said Oz. End to end stuff, funny, sunny, neither team were more than one goal ahead, both had the lead. Interruptions included Jeremy wandering off the pitch to have a natter with his wife and Tufan’s daughter waving to her dad and walking into a tree.

Final score: Red 4 – 4 Yellow

Match cancelled.

With Covid-19 infecting two households of squad members, we decided to postpone the game. Sadly, an opportunity hasn’t arisen to re-schedule so our first ever Pagan game has been written off.

Red: Paul, Jeremy, Kevin, Dan, Frank, Josh, Phil, Tufan
Yellow: John, Jack, Richard, Gerald, Jared, Matt, Luis, Tom

Yellow: Gerald, Tufan, John, Kevin
Red: Paul, Jared, Oz, Daniel

Yellow: James, Tufan, Gerald, Jared, Daniel, Jack

Red: JP, Jim, Wilkie, John, Matt, Richard

Better late than never. It’s short too. Bit of a discussion about evenness of teams but we kicked off regardless. And surprisingly Yellow romped away to a 4-0 lead at the break including a first-half hat trick for Tufan and a tasty peach of a volley for James….all without reply. Yellow agreed that four definitely wasn’t enough and the sleeping Red giant would wake.

And it duly did, with wave after wave of attack they peppered the Yellow goal. But the first only went in with 30 minutes to go. Surely too late? Slowly more followed, 4-2, 4-3….and Yellow’s bums were getting a bit squeaky. Eventually in the last 10 minutes they replied to settle the nerves and with Red venturing forward en masse to reduce the deficit, they left John alone in goal and their fate was sealed.

Final score: Yellow 6 – 3 Red

Match report by Richard P.

Voluntarily sent in for which I’m very grateful. Twelve people have completely different perspectives of how that game went but it’s usually only ever mine that goes to print so to see it through someone else’s eyes is always a revelation.

Yellow: Jeremy, Tufan, James, Kevin, Jared, Gerald
Red: Jack, John, Daniel, JP, Oz, Richard P

I’m writing this six months after the game and other than embellishing the few notes I’ve made, there’s not much more that springs to mind.

James arrived a little late and had finished tying his laces and donned a yellow bib just as Daniel took an early pop at goal only for Jeremy to block it with a handball…penalty! With an unfamiliar confidence, Daniel placed the ball on the spot and calmly scored. JP twice shouted at Daniel to leave a long over the top ball from Jack. He did and JP smashed in the sweetest of volleys.  Despite these goals, red went into the break 4-2 down. James swapped to Red…even numbers on my list, did someone leave or was it just uneven skill on the day? In the last five minutes James prepared to take a throw. John, as keeper, advanced to limit the threat but the alert Daniel loitering at the back post pointed to the vacant gap he left behind him. James saw the gesture and accordingly threw the ball goalwards. Daniel failed to get a touch but the keeper did, though not enough to keep it out. Nearly enough for a win. But not quite.

Final score: Yellow 6 – 5 Red

I always put thank-yous as a footnote. This time, y’all coming first.

Oz. Thank you for opening the storage and laughing at us for the first few minutes of the game. And coming back to let us back in to the storage. All whilst injured.
Paul. Thank you for washing the bibs and bringing them along even though you had diarrhoea….taking the meaning of shit sub too literally.
Jeremy. Thank you for taking the bibs to wash for next time.
Thank you for subs.

Red: Jeremy, Jim, Wilkie, Tufan, Richard P
Yellow: John, James, Daniel, Matt, Kevin,

Referee: Felix

My memory is rubbish. I’m going to stop apologising on each report for this fact and just note the few meagre things that I can recall and that’ll do. If you don’t get a mention, just do something more attention-seeking next time.
Jeremy complained that the ball was too round.
From the off Red took control and got to a 3-0 lead in no time, mainly from some nonchalant cock-ups at the back (will we never learn?). Had we made the wrong decision with teams? No. Yellow finally settled and took the lead 3-4 including a penalty for John after Tufan made a two handed save….as a defender. Tufan and Wilkie threw subtle glances to the far post whilst beating the keeper at the near post for two goals in reply. Pretty even stuff and I think Red went into the break at 6-5 up or thereabouts.
Ten minutes into the second half Wilkie fell in a crumpled heap after a 50/50 tussle with Kevin and couldn’t continue with what looked like a dodgy ankle injury. He’d been their most dangerous player and questions would now be asked. Firstly, how was Felix, at nine years old, allowed to score within a minute of being requisitioned from refereeing to being Wilkie’s replacement? I think it was the yellow defence standing off the diminitive chap in a somewhat patronising attitude and allowing him to step in from the byline and firing in from a tight angle. Shocking. Yellow never recovered and every time they tried to reduce the deficit, it increased. Daniel even got a flukey hatrick and he still lost.

Final score: Red 13 – 8 Yellow

Red: James, Matt, Oz, Tufan, Daniel (1st half)
Yellow: Paul, Jeremy, Kevin, John, Daniel (2nd half)

Red got up to a 7-1 by half time. Great keeping by Paul. Yellow took a while in the second half to use the extra man but finally started scoring in the last ten minutes. But there wasn’t enough time on the clock

Final score: Red 9 – 7 Yellow

Man of the Match: No question. Daniel. Despite not scoring a single goal, being nutmegged twice, generally playing like crap and clearly being carried by both teams, he defied the odds to personally win the game 13 – 3. Astounding. And he got a new world record for stumbling forward for the longest distance without falling over.

Red: John, JP, Jack, Jeremy, James, Jared

Yellow: Tufan, Paul, Richard, Daniel, Matt, Tyrone