Match reports

Yellow (5): Colin, Ahmet, Oz, Steve, Jean
Red (4): James, Jack, Daniel, Paulo

Oh the weather outside is frightful. And the Rye looks so delightful. And since we’ve no place else to go. Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Nope, Bruce Willis didn’t show up. But the die hards did! Hehaythankyouverymuch!

Once again, it was looking bleak with Oz drumming his fingers waiting for everyone. But then Daniel appeared. And then Steve. And the trickle became became a flood with Colin, James and Ahmet arriving. Jack then made it uneven followed by two other randoms who sauntered over to watch the spectacle of people playing football in snow and were convinced to join us. It turned out that Jean (sp?) and Paulo were from Brazil and this was the first time they’d ever seen snow! Paulo borrowed some studs, Jean stuck with his working/hiking boots. And we’re off….

Skill went out the window – the ball either skidded off the compacted surface in the middle of the pitch or got stuck in the fresh snow around the periphery and rolled bigger and bigger to make a snowman. Both of which meant that either the ball or your feet didn’t do what your brain had envisaged which in turn led to a lot of giving away possession and a couple of comical goals.
Plenty of chances at both ends and both teams held a lead. 5-5 at half time. A close counterattacking game with neither team getting more than a couple in front but in the last five or so minutes Yellow made the extra man count and everything went in. James was the most frustrated of Red but then that’s no surprise – he wore the same boots as Jim did last week.
But Everyone scored. And what of the Brazilians and their first time playing in snow? Yup, you guessed it, they put us to shame. And one of them in hiking boots! Life just is just so humiliating sometimes.

Final score: Yellow 15 – 11 Red

Five men stood there. Waiting and waiting and just when they decided to call it a day, Ahmet sauntered over. Never have you seen a group of men so happy. From cancelled game to 3-a-side is a sharp change of emotions for anyone. And it only got better when Liam appeared. But just to lap up most of the attention, Jack appeared. Four-a-side. Huzzah. And then Jim revealed new shiny fluorescent Predator boots. Things were just getting better and better and better.

Yellow: Ahmet, Jack, Richard N, Jim
Red: James McG, Liam, Daniel, Richard P

Yellow got three in quick-succession to get us started but Richard P answered with a lovely rising shot in at the top near post from a tight angle after some lovely Red passing around the box – goal of the game. Jim dived to save after Richard N had taken the sting out of the shot but he must have been paid to arch his body into a ball-shaped hole to let it in. Ahmet got several rockets. Yellow’s biggest advantage was a three goal lead at 4-1, 5-2, and 6-3. Red got it back to just the one at 7-6. Liam went close with a magnificent diving header for the cameras after a quick chipped corner from Daniel who later skewed a shot onto the bar after James made a hash of an open goal. Richard P took one in the goolies. I would proffer that Red easily had the most shots but with frustratingly woeful finishing which made Yellow’s goals all the more significant. A great fast counter-attacking game and very enjoyable. And how many goals for Jim’s new boots? A brace? A hatrick you say? No. 0. But how he and his generous team mates tried.
Matt – you would have just made the teams uneven. Ya drunken bum – Where were ya? Where were ya?

Final score: Yellow 10 – 6 Red

Red (3): James, Richard N, James C
Yellow (4): Gerald, Colin, Daniel, Jim N

El Classico? Non. El not quite so classico. I think I’m not alone in describing this as rather indescript kind of game.
Daniel was late.
Colin was later.
Gerald, not to be outdone, was very late.
The one pass rule was introduced for the foursome. For something so simple, it always seems to cause a disproportionate amount of confusion.
The only other point of note was Jim N – source of the only stand-out moments of the game: Great keeping in his first stint and a wonderful inch-perfect top corner shot from half-way. Luverly!

James C – Man of the match. A very effective cog in the Yellow machine and as an infrequent visitor to the Rye you forget his style which definitely works to his advantage. Familarity breeds contempt for the rest of us.

Unsporting moment: Richard N being bent over double with a fit of the giggles after some quip. Daniel hadn’t heard the joke and calmly dribbled around the incapacitated form.
If you weren’t there, it was one of those games that you wouldn’t have been bothered if you’d missed it. Oh, hang on….er….

Final score: Yellow 12 – 16 Red

Red: James, Richard P, Daniel, Colin
Yellow: Richard N, Oz, Jim N, Tufan

Not quite the showing the number of raised hands two evenings prior led us to believe. But my my, the lack of attendance was more than made up for with sheer grit, determination and puff!
Jeremy even turned up to take photos. Which proved pointless as it discouraged anyone from doing anything noteworthy. However, once he left it all happened. A bit like that KitKat panda advert from 20 years ago.
Lots of chances to open the scoring but various people were guilty of squandering the opportunities. It wasn’t until the 25 minute that some quick one touch pinging around the box led to Richard N scoring the opener for Yellow. This opened the floodgates and they racked up three more goals, the most impressive being Jim N scoring from a tight angle. James got a consolation shortly before the break but the scoreline doesn’t say what was in the tin. Yellow up 4-1 at half time.
Red were the first to score in the second half but Oz replied immediately with a low daisy cutter. Daniel, while waiting for a corner, then spotted Jim N (his opposite number) off his line. He caught the incoming ball, swivelled and hoofed it….everything turned into slow motion as the ball soared up and back down again…on target….it bounced behind the keeper but sadly just too short and curled over the bar. James wasn’t going to take this sitting down and his efforts inspired his team to a fightback. He got a hatrick, Richard P fired a lovely shot in from the left and Daniel poked in the equaliser.
Everyone wanted this and there were some really tired people out there. The final chance came as the ball fell for James, five yards out. He whacked it goalwards but Oz just manged to get a firm foot in the way and the clock beeped as the ball went out for a throw – you can’t get much closer to a winning goal than that! Hard graft by all – A really impressive first game of the season.

Final score: Yellow 5 – 5 Red

Version Richard:
Yellow: Richard P, Tufan, Matt, Liam, Jack, Nick, Ahmet
Red: James, Richard N, Oz, Jim N, Gerald, Darren, Colin

Yellow scored first, Red equalised, then Red scored again. 2-1 at half time.
Second half: Red stretched lead to 3-1. But Yellow pulled back, scoring 3 in succession to take it to 3-4. Red equalised, 4-4. Then in last 3 minutes Reds nicked it – 5-4

Version Oz:
Yellow: Ahmet, Jack, Liam, Matt, Nick, Richard P, Tufan
Red: Colin, Darren, Gerald, James McG, Jim N, Oz, Richard N

1st half: Oz opened the scoring for red early on and Ahmet replied a little later. Red scored again (can’t remember who. Any ideas?). Half ended 2-1 to yellow.
2nd half: Yellow scored again, I think through Matt after a bad goal kick. Oz made it 3-2 for Red with a penalty following a hand-ball, I think by Richard P. Colin scored for red to make it 3-3. Can’t remember if this was the one that slipped through Matt’s butter fingers. Yellow scored again (can’t rememebr who) to make it 4-3. Colin scored again for red, 4-4. In the last few minutes Ahmet scored to end the game 5-4 to yellow.

Both sides had chances to steal the game and both hit the plastic-work, teams were well balanced and it was a very close match. Very competitive and enjoyable.

Reply El Capitano:
Thank you for reports.
However, not being funny but…..

Richard P says Reds scored in last few minutes to win 5-4
Oz says Yellow scored in the last few minutes to win 5-4

Which is correct?

Reply Oz:
I must’ve got the team colours mixed up! Knew this would happen!

Reply Richard P:
No Oz was right. Yellows won.

Reply (exasperated) El Capitano:
James – please help me! What actually happened?????

Reply James:
Hehe!  I was on yellow, on the losing team!  Reds won 5-4.  Ahmet strike that was never going to be stopped.  I was SO angry, I had the ball at the back 4-4 a couple of minutes left, no passing options so I went over to the side of the pitch for safety, was tackled and the ball spilled amid-pitch – it fell into the path of the MOST DANGEROUS PERSON WHO WAS LEFT FREE – foot raised, ker-pow, crack, GOAL for yellow, heartbreak for Red.  Jim N had a gilt-edged chance a minute later but took a touch and the moment was lost.
Overall a GREAT game, even sides, even numbers, very enjoyable indeed, thank you sir!

El Capitano – The Final Word:
So there we have it. Oz and Richard P contradict each other. Then James clarifies the result by contradicting himself by stating that he’s “on Yellow, the losing team!”  who scored the final winning goal. Brilliant.

Final score: Yellow 4 – 5 Red
(I don’t know who wore which colour, but Liam, Ahmet, Nick, Richard P, Matt, Tufan & Jack won).

Yellow: Ahmet, Oz, Matt, Daniel
Red: James, JP, Liam, Colin

Happy New Year! 4-a-side. Brisk and bright so we went for uphill/downhill so the sun wasn’t in the eyes. Breakaway counter-attacking football was the name of the game with a hectic start that carried on for the whole game. Yellow popped off a few warning shots and finally getting off the mark with Daniel getting the first goal of the new year. Red promptly replied and pulled away to a 4-1 lead. Yellow pegged them back and then got in front again including Matt getting the first header of the new year, an 8-4 lead with five minutes to the whistle. Then a short Red flood made it all to play for, 8-7 at half time.
Oz had mentioned looking the angle you couldn’t see after firing off a couple of swerving shots with keepers oft out of position. He saw it just after the re-start to curl in a lovely long shot and somehow Red kind of collapsed. It started slowly but increased to a seven goal advantage! Ahmet could have increased the damage but took too many deft touches trying to go around Colin who’d gone to ground to block the initial feint and then flapped like a dying salmon eventually palming away the final attempt. The pick of the goals was from Matt’s showboating, advancing forward he had the easy pass to Daniel in support but calmly chipped the keeper instead. Entertaining end-to-end attacking stuff and thank you for coming, it was looking a little bleak. Way too much going on to recall it all but everyone scored which is always nice. The third highest combined goal tally. Ever!

Final score: Yellow 20 – 15 Red

A Christmas game?!

Red: Oz, JP, Daniel, John G
Yellow: Ahmet, Steve, John M, Del

Four-a-side! It was looking poor in the run up to the day but then Steve (a ghost of football past) showed an interest and brought along two friends to keep us alive! Yellow had the unknown Del and they decided to stick with what they knew as he, John M and Steve all play together. And all of a smilar school of thinking – easy pass, don’t lose possession. Red team? Well, you make your own mind up.
The unknown Del revealed that he had not much speed but a good touch to make space or pop off a deft shot or two or, as it turned out,  reach a hatrick to make it 4-1 up to Yellow in the first ten minutes!
Red were embarrassed and made amends by popping in a few of their own but never managed to take the lead. All the sevens at half time.
The second half started with Red being informed that Del is 73 years of age! He plays three times a week too. To mark this news (after a few goals to either team to make it 10-10) Del surged forward whilst he was still keeper. His cross into the box didn’t meet it’s target and John G decided that the only way to beat the 73 old (who’d taunted us hitherto with his tricksy skills) was to boot the ball back up the pitch and into the empty goal to take the lead for the first time with 20 minutes to go. “That’s how to punish immaturity” was his comment but you could see through his cold, heartless attitude that there was shame in his conduct. Cynical tactics by the Scrooge of the piece. But it worked. Yellow never regained the lead that they’d held all game as Red popped away their chances.

Final score: Red 17-12 Yellow

Good to get a Christmas game and the best was yet to come – it was free. No subs. Gratis. Merry Christmas one and all!

Le Testimonial

Red: Ed, Ahmet, Colin, Jack, Oz, James
Yellow: JP, Richard N, Daniel, Liam, Tufan, Jim N

Brisk and bright and a very respectful turn out of 6-a-side for the departing legends. Apologies from John G who was a yes but went of injured last week.

JP and Ed as captains and an old-school line-up appears for them to pick from. “Socially awkward” hit the nail on the head. Who was first? Who was last? The glee and shame will be confined to the annals history.

Quite the open game right from the start with both teams putting together some nice passing around the pitch but no goals for the first seven minutes. Then just after the first change Oz fired a swerving shot which Daniel got a fingertip to but that’s never enough for an Oz shot. 1-0. He got a fingertip to the next one from Ahmet and this time it was just enough to tip it onto the bar, bounce down and be finally gathered. Apparently Ahmet then got an own goal here but I don’t remember seeing it. Jim N also took out Colin by tangling with his lose laces – free kick! Jack stepped up, eyeing a curler for the far top corner…..of the tree behind. He missed that too. Then just before half-time a goal mouth scramble and a poke of a final attempt from James bamboozled the keeper with a couple of deflections to put Red 2-1 up at the break.

Teams photos were then taken by the press, thank you for braving the chilly Rye, ladies.

The second half was much like the first. JP put one in shortly after the break. I don’t remember the build up but he ran away pulling his jersey over his head revealing a message on his vest saying “Vive La France” on the front and “Au revoir mes amies. Zut Alors” on the back. Smug git. Daniel couldn’t score for toffee, repeating a first half chance of failing to get contact with Tufan’s lovely diagonal ball and also firing a lovely Liam cross at the keeper and then heading the next one wide. Jim almost scored whilst sprinting onto a fast through ball that the defence cleared straight into him but it sadly ricocheted just wide. A lovely lofted ball from Oz was perfect for Colin to fire in on the half-volley to take the lead. Short-lived though as Yellow weren’t about to sit back and a scramble at the other end this time ended with the ball rolling out of the melee for Richard N to stroke in. Ed almost bundled in the winner a few minutes before the end but although both teams wanted the win, the whistle went for a draw.

We don’t often do a man-of-the-match but Richard N headed away so many speculative long balls, generally cleared any imminent danger, covered the keeper to clear off the line and also scored the final equaliser. A sterling game sir.
So like the man who couldn’t pronounce his F’s and Th’s, you can’t say fairer than that then.

Final Score: Yellow 3 – 3 Red

P.S. We decided to take penalties for a laugh. And laugh at Red we did with only Ahmet and Colin scoring. For once though Mr Norman had little influence with three of the four missed shots off-target! JP was the only Yellow not score with the most pathetic chip you’ve ever seen. It bounced before it even reached the keeper. But it was all just a bit of fun.

Bons voyages mes amies. Nous espérons que vous avez les bons séjours en France et en Congo. A plus tard.

And HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you all.

Yellow: Jim N, Gerald, Daniel, Richard N, Tufan
Red: Colin, Oz, Ahmet, Liam, John G

5-a-side, nice. And Richard N returns from three weeks away. I’ll try to recall events but may be sketchy due to mild concussion sustained from Thursday’s impressive cycling emergency-stop-over-the-handlebars-headfirst dismount.

Harking back to 1970’s Italy, it was a cagey opening, chances for both but it took until the 17th minute for Red to break the deadlock with a lovely header from Ahmet direct from a corner contradicting what I said on the subject last week. Yellow replied soon after with Daniel gaining possession in midlfield, sprinting goalwards and firing in. They went ahead too shortly after with a tame shot from Jim inexplicably running under/through Liam’s hands. Not helped by the size of Colin’s gloves. Tiny, I tell you! Liam almost made up for the error with a lovely volley that flew just over and another shot that was inches wide of the post. And just when Yellow thought they were safe, 30 seconds before the break the ball was passed to John in the area and with a deft touch he sent the keeper the wrong way and slotted into the big gap. 2-2 at half time.
A quick turnaround and the only thing quicker was Red’s start, numerous one-twos in the first few minutes regularly sliced open the Yellow defence and finally one paid off, Ahmet once again powering forward and although Jim got the block in, the ball rebounded back onto Ahmet and ricocheted in. Unfortunate/fortuitous depending on your point of view. They cemented the lead with Daniel giving away possession on the wing too easily to Ahmet who made no mistake, two goals up. Soon after Colin chipped the keeper but it bounced off the bar – close. Richard N had a chance to reduce the deficit, sprinting towards the keeper he had Tufan on the left and Jim on the right to choose from, three on one. But oh no, glory was his target. Well something was because the goal certainly wasn’t as he spooned well wide, painful to watch from the back.
John then pulled up with a rather severe-looking ankle injury (get well soon sir) and Liam had to leave early. Jim volunteered to swap sides and promptly fired in a couple of goals – he didn’t work anywhere near this hard for Yellow, dirty traitor. A couple more goals went in before the whistle, including one eventually for a frustrated Tufan but I think after the changes, the only fair thing is to scratch the last 10 minutes.

Final score: Red 4 – 2 Yellow

Red (4): Jim N, John G, Richard P, Tufan

Yellow (4): Ahmet, Colin, Daniel, Matt

Incredible! Only two confirmed but eight turned up! Eight! 75% of the maybes came through, two no’s changed their mind and an extra one arrived too. What have we learned from this? Something we’ve all known or suspected for a very long time – my weekly email chaser is a big waste of time. However, it was noted that I was brave to believe but fortune favours the brave. Poo-hah to the naysayers. There was a lot of love out there and what a love-in we had. And the cherry on the top was Richard’s moustache. Wow. Also, Happy (recent) 40th Birthday to Jim and Richard.

Opportunities at either end with Red getting the most but whilst Yellow also had a few, the stand out spectacle was the keeping. Jim and Daniel getting a couple of good blocks in but Ahmet had a stormer, pinging everything off with fist, foot, chest and knee including a fantastic stretch back to palm away the ball that looked to have gone past his reach – sterling stuff indeed and he got his knee muddy, you don’t see that often. The deadlock was finally broken with Daniel diving to save the initial shot but whilst sprawled on the ground he was helpless to stop the rising follow-up. However the Yellow reply followed shortly after and they pulled away to 6-2. It could have been even more. A high cross from Daniel to Ahmet was slightly off target and it soared over unsuspecting Tufan in goal and bounced off the top corner of the bar. Matt then received a ball after hard work from Ahmet only to spoon it onto the bar of an open goal. Shocking. Shortly after another similar run by Ahmet he looked up and had time to ask Matt if he would score this time. Matt gave a gallic shrug so Ahmet went the other way and stroked home. The scoreline was flattering and as if to rectify the fact, complancy reared it’s ugly head and Red got a couple to reduce the deficit with John’s accurate passing often causing trouble and then Jim tucked in another ten seconds before half-time, 6-5 to Yellow.

The second half was a similar affair but Red kept Yellow on a tighter leash, never getting for than three away. With numbers low there were several long distance shots over the advancing keeper all of which missed the target. Corners a-plenty but as Tufan rightly stated the conversion rate in general must be very low. This game didn’t help the cause. 0%. Richard P got frustrated with his conversion rate: four shots on target at least. No goals. In fact, it was a two man show this week (and we’re not talking of the bearded Olof Mellberg twosome of Daniel and Colin in defence), no we’re talking Tufan and Ahmet. They must have got 75% of the goals between them.

Final score: Yellow 11 – 8 Red