Match reports

A Christmas game?!

Red: Oz, JP, Daniel, John G
Yellow: Ahmet, Steve, John M, Del

Four-a-side! It was looking poor in the run up to the day but then Steve (a ghost of football past) showed an interest and brought along two friends to keep us alive! Yellow had the unknown Del and they decided to stick with what they knew as he, John M and Steve all play together. And all of a smilar school of thinking – easy pass, don’t lose possession. Red team? Well, you make your own mind up.
The unknown Del revealed that he had not much speed but a good touch to make space or pop off a deft shot or two or, as it turned out,  reach a hatrick to make it 4-1 up to Yellow in the first ten minutes!
Red were embarrassed and made amends by popping in a few of their own but never managed to take the lead. All the sevens at half time.
The second half started with Red being informed that Del is 73 years of age! He plays three times a week too. To mark this news (after a few goals to either team to make it 10-10) Del surged forward whilst he was still keeper. His cross into the box didn’t meet it’s target and John G decided that the only way to beat the 73 old (who’d taunted us hitherto with his tricksy skills) was to boot the ball back up the pitch and into the empty goal to take the lead for the first time with 20 minutes to go. “That’s how to punish immaturity” was his comment but you could see through his cold, heartless attitude that there was shame in his conduct. Cynical tactics by the Scrooge of the piece. But it worked. Yellow never regained the lead that they’d held all game as Red popped away their chances.

Final score: Red 17-12 Yellow

Good to get a Christmas game and the best was yet to come – it was free. No subs. Gratis. Merry Christmas one and all!

Le Testimonial

Red: Ed, Ahmet, Colin, Jack, Oz, James
Yellow: JP, Richard N, Daniel, Liam, Tufan, Jim N

Brisk and bright and a very respectful turn out of 6-a-side for the departing legends. Apologies from John G who was a yes but went of injured last week.

JP and Ed as captains and an old-school line-up appears for them to pick from. “Socially awkward” hit the nail on the head. Who was first? Who was last? The glee and shame will be confined to the annals history.

Quite the open game right from the start with both teams putting together some nice passing around the pitch but no goals for the first seven minutes. Then just after the first change Oz fired a swerving shot which Daniel got a fingertip to but that’s never enough for an Oz shot. 1-0. He got a fingertip to the next one from Ahmet and this time it was just enough to tip it onto the bar, bounce down and be finally gathered. Apparently Ahmet then got an own goal here but I don’t remember seeing it. Jim N also took out Colin by tangling with his lose laces – free kick! Jack stepped up, eyeing a curler for the far top corner…..of the tree behind. He missed that too. Then just before half-time a goal mouth scramble and a poke of a final attempt from James bamboozled the keeper with a couple of deflections to put Red 2-1 up at the break.

Teams photos were then taken by the press, thank you for braving the chilly Rye, ladies.

The second half was much like the first. JP put one in shortly after the break. I don’t remember the build up but he ran away pulling his jersey over his head revealing a message on his vest saying “Vive La France” on the front and “Au revoir mes amies. Zut Alors” on the back. Smug git. Daniel couldn’t score for toffee, repeating a first half chance of failing to get contact with Tufan’s lovely diagonal ball and also firing a lovely Liam cross at the keeper and then heading the next one wide. Jim almost scored whilst sprinting onto a fast through ball that the defence cleared straight into him but it sadly ricocheted just wide. A lovely lofted ball from Oz was perfect for Colin to fire in on the half-volley to take the lead. Short-lived though as Yellow weren’t about to sit back and a scramble at the other end this time ended with the ball rolling out of the melee for Richard N to stroke in. Ed almost bundled in the winner a few minutes before the end but although both teams wanted the win, the whistle went for a draw.

We don’t often do a man-of-the-match but Richard N headed away so many speculative long balls, generally cleared any imminent danger, covered the keeper to clear off the line and also scored the final equaliser. A sterling game sir.
So like the man who couldn’t pronounce his F’s and Th’s, you can’t say fairer than that then.

Final Score: Yellow 3 – 3 Red

P.S. We decided to take penalties for a laugh. And laugh at Red we did with only Ahmet and Colin scoring. For once though Mr Norman had little influence with three of the four missed shots off-target! JP was the only Yellow not score with the most pathetic chip you’ve ever seen. It bounced before it even reached the keeper. But it was all just a bit of fun.

Bons voyages mes amies. Nous espérons que vous avez les bons séjours en France et en Congo. A plus tard.

And HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you all.

Yellow: Jim N, Gerald, Daniel, Richard N, Tufan
Red: Colin, Oz, Ahmet, Liam, John G

5-a-side, nice. And Richard N returns from three weeks away. I’ll try to recall events but may be sketchy due to mild concussion sustained from Thursday’s impressive cycling emergency-stop-over-the-handlebars-headfirst dismount.

Harking back to 1970’s Italy, it was a cagey opening, chances for both but it took until the 17th minute for Red to break the deadlock with a lovely header from Ahmet direct from a corner contradicting what I said on the subject last week. Yellow replied soon after with Daniel gaining possession in midlfield, sprinting goalwards and firing in. They went ahead too shortly after with a tame shot from Jim inexplicably running under/through Liam’s hands. Not helped by the size of Colin’s gloves. Tiny, I tell you! Liam almost made up for the error with a lovely volley that flew just over and another shot that was inches wide of the post. And just when Yellow thought they were safe, 30 seconds before the break the ball was passed to John in the area and with a deft touch he sent the keeper the wrong way and slotted into the big gap. 2-2 at half time.
A quick turnaround and the only thing quicker was Red’s start, numerous one-twos in the first few minutes regularly sliced open the Yellow defence and finally one paid off, Ahmet once again powering forward and although Jim got the block in, the ball rebounded back onto Ahmet and ricocheted in. Unfortunate/fortuitous depending on your point of view. They cemented the lead with Daniel giving away possession on the wing too easily to Ahmet who made no mistake, two goals up. Soon after Colin chipped the keeper but it bounced off the bar – close. Richard N had a chance to reduce the deficit, sprinting towards the keeper he had Tufan on the left and Jim on the right to choose from, three on one. But oh no, glory was his target. Well something was because the goal certainly wasn’t as he spooned well wide, painful to watch from the back.
John then pulled up with a rather severe-looking ankle injury (get well soon sir) and Liam had to leave early. Jim volunteered to swap sides and promptly fired in a couple of goals – he didn’t work anywhere near this hard for Yellow, dirty traitor. A couple more goals went in before the whistle, including one eventually for a frustrated Tufan but I think after the changes, the only fair thing is to scratch the last 10 minutes.

Final score: Red 4 – 2 Yellow

Red (4): Jim N, John G, Richard P, Tufan

Yellow (4): Ahmet, Colin, Daniel, Matt

Incredible! Only two confirmed but eight turned up! Eight! 75% of the maybes came through, two no’s changed their mind and an extra one arrived too. What have we learned from this? Something we’ve all known or suspected for a very long time – my weekly email chaser is a big waste of time. However, it was noted that I was brave to believe but fortune favours the brave. Poo-hah to the naysayers. There was a lot of love out there and what a love-in we had. And the cherry on the top was Richard’s moustache. Wow. Also, Happy (recent) 40th Birthday to Jim and Richard.

Opportunities at either end with Red getting the most but whilst Yellow also had a few, the stand out spectacle was the keeping. Jim and Daniel getting a couple of good blocks in but Ahmet had a stormer, pinging everything off with fist, foot, chest and knee including a fantastic stretch back to palm away the ball that looked to have gone past his reach – sterling stuff indeed and he got his knee muddy, you don’t see that often. The deadlock was finally broken with Daniel diving to save the initial shot but whilst sprawled on the ground he was helpless to stop the rising follow-up. However the Yellow reply followed shortly after and they pulled away to 6-2. It could have been even more. A high cross from Daniel to Ahmet was slightly off target and it soared over unsuspecting Tufan in goal and bounced off the top corner of the bar. Matt then received a ball after hard work from Ahmet only to spoon it onto the bar of an open goal. Shocking. Shortly after another similar run by Ahmet he looked up and had time to ask Matt if he would score this time. Matt gave a gallic shrug so Ahmet went the other way and stroked home. The scoreline was flattering and as if to rectify the fact, complancy reared it’s ugly head and Red got a couple to reduce the deficit with John’s accurate passing often causing trouble and then Jim tucked in another ten seconds before half-time, 6-5 to Yellow.

The second half was a similar affair but Red kept Yellow on a tighter leash, never getting for than three away. With numbers low there were several long distance shots over the advancing keeper all of which missed the target. Corners a-plenty but as Tufan rightly stated the conversion rate in general must be very low. This game didn’t help the cause. 0%. Richard P got frustrated with his conversion rate: four shots on target at least. No goals. In fact, it was a two man show this week (and we’re not talking of the bearded Olof Mellberg twosome of Daniel and Colin in defence), no we’re talking Tufan and Ahmet. They must have got 75% of the goals between them.

Final score: Yellow 11 – 8 Red

Red (5): Oz, Gerald, Ed, Colin, James C
Yellow (4): Ahmet, Jim N, Matt, Daniel

Blustery. A drop or two of rain cleared upon the whistle so we basked in the blinding sun for 80 minutes – No real clear attempts in the opening period but that was finally broken in the 14th minute by Jim going on a solo run down the left and firing in. Red replied soon after. I say replied – Matt should get a job in the John Lewis gift department for Christmas such was his presentation to Red with an attempted goal kick up the middle that failed to make the intended recipient. It was intercepted, unwrapped and delivered back from whence it came. Then the beginning of the controversy. A handball in the Red area? The discussion went on for a while but the game continued. Then Jim N blatantly handled on the edge of the area at the other end. Free kick given which Colin took with a tricksy move which didn’t quite pay off. At some point around here Jim’s knee accidently met with James C’s lip. Not a pleasant welcome back for a man whose been away for months due to cricket commitments and six weddings! I feel your pain. Standing around a field waiting for nothing to happen must be dull. Bud-dum, tsch! Thankyouverymuch.
Just before halftime, Yellow popped in another to go 2-1 up. At the same point last week with the same number of people on the pitch, 17 goals had been scored.
Red kicked off the second half. Nothing much sticks in my mind other than another questionable handball in the Red area. This time the penalty was given although Ed argued that the advantage had been palyed on. For the wrong team, nice try though. Ahmet calmly fired low into the corner to put daylight between the scores. Then a dangerous ball from Matt was fired diagonally into the danger area and with two Yellows rushing on Oz could only divert into his own net and Yellow looked to be running away with victory, the game standing at 5-2 with five minutes to go. But two quick goals (including an exact copy of Oz’s own goal, this time at the other end – Daniel diverting James’ through ball into his own net with Colin on his shoulder) left the game in the balance. But with only 20 seconds on the clock Matt managed to keep possession to let the seconds tick by before passing back to Ahmet who hoofed it up the pitch as the clock signalled the end. Some tasty goalkeeping in there too – Ed with a quick double save against Daniel, Gerald took one in the chest and Jim with a lightening reaction to push over Oz’s effort.

Final score: Red 4 – 5 Yellow

Yellow (5): Ahmet, Jim N, Liam, Gerald, Ed
Red (4): JP, Colin, John G, Daniel

Apologies for the delay, if my memory serves me well, here’s a pitifully small recollection of events….

Very foggy. The first four to turn up were Colin (welcome back), Gerald, JP and Daniel, four particularly hirsute men. It looked like a teddy bear rendezvous. Thankfully Oz and Jim N appeared through the fog and attention was diverted to the game and three more then appeared through the murk to make it a reaonable sized affair. Jim and Daniel took forever to pick teams. And then the pitch was too small. But we didn’t didn’t change it and a lot of people ran out of space.

Red got up to 5-1 within the first 10 minutes. Yellow stopped the rot and got in front just in time for the break, 9-8 up.The fog lifted in the second half and Red suddenly saw they had the extra man. They used him well and pulled away to a handsome victory.

Highlights included:

JP being given space on the left and putting in a lovely right foot curler into the far top corner.

A well-timed slide from Daniel to block a goal bound shot from Liam. Sadly the ball hit his hand (protecting the beard!) – penalty! John saved the initial shot but Liam tucked in the easy rebound.

A loud foghorn.

The highest combined tally in a single game for the year so far: 29 goals

Crumbs for the losers, Cake for the victors and strange plumes of steam evaporating from each player at the the whistle, like a personal will-o’-the-wisp. And as we trudged off the gloom closed in again,

Final score: Red 12 – 17 Yellow

Yellow: Richard P, John G, Richard N, Tufan, Liam, Fabio, JP
Red: Oz, Jim N, Ahmet, James, Daniel, Ed

13 – great turn out, thank you for the love and for introducing the new blood.
Yellow 6-0 up at the break. A mixture of attacking power and luck. Whilst not always scoring at the first attempt, they had the numbers to mop up the loose ball or take advantage of any deflections or errors.  And they were reasonably solid at the back too. It wasn’t that one sided but although Red had plenty of chances, they couldn’t make any count. Conclusion – Red are obviously more red-blooded and virile men as they were much more distracted by the lesbian love trist in the leafy mud under the tree.
In the second half Red buckled down and it paid off! 6-3 within 10 minutes. (JP in Yellow defence or the girl-on-girl action having departed at half-time – you decide). But the belief was there. A couple more goals made it 7-4 but then complacency/calamity reered it’s ugly head with a couple of mistakes at the back. Yellow made them pay for the errors and suddenly looked in control again after worry had begun to creep into their game. Ahmet then made another mazy run as keeper and was dispossessed. JP shot at the empty goal but Daniel just managed to stretch and get a stud to divert the goal-bound ball away from target. Huzzah – no double figures here! Er, not quite actually. Tufan fired in 5 minutes before the end, a hatrick at least I proffer. Honours even for the half but the damage had already been done. And what of the newbies? Liam, a constant receiver and supplier of tasty balls down the right. Fabio, a constant midfield thorn niggling whenever Red had possession. Both ones to watch.

Final score:  Yellow 10 – 4 Red

Game 1:
Red: Gerald, Richard P, Richard N, James
Yellow: JP, Daniel, Tufan, Oz

Final score: Yellow 5 – 4 Red

We stopped and changed at half time as John G arrived late which Daniel had forgotten he had been notified about. Apologies – my fault. But what have we learned from this? Don’t text Daniel while he’s pissed on a Saturday night

Game 2:
Red: Richard N, Richard P, Gerald, John G, Oz
Yellow: James, JP, Tufan, Daniel

Final score: Yellow 4 – 7 Red

I think those are the correct teams. James lost both. Oz won both. Richard P tried to score, oh how he tried but I can’t recall if he actually did. I did though. For the first time in seven games. Twice. Including a tap in on the goal line and I was nervous about missing that. Can’t recall much else other than a couple of amusing goal mouth scrambles with defenders and keepers fluking clearances, a JP own goal with Richard N bearing down to make sure. Red looked to have won it at 4-3 in the first game but a resolute Yellow poked in towards the end to ensure victory. And despite Yellow almost clawing it back in the second game, a three goal flurry in the last five minutes ensured the Red victory. How to decide who won and who lost over the whole morning? Goal difference over the two games of course. Negative = loser, positive = winner.

Tufan -2
JP -2
James -4
Daniel -2
John G +3
Richard P +2
Richard N +2
Oz +4
Gerald +2

Yellow (4): Ahmet, Jeremy, Jim N, Richard P
Red (5): JP, Matt, Tufan, Oz, Daniel

Not as soggy as the rain should have made it. Red started with the extra man. They didn’t need him though as a speculative shot from Oz was deflected from going out for a goal kick into the goal by Ahmet – Doh! Red pulled away to a three goal lead but Yellow slowly pulled it back. Red’s reply was immediate, popping in another but Yellow’s reply to Red’s reply was another immediate reply. Then they got in front too, 5-4 up at half time.
It was a bit a tit-for-tat after that and Red got up to 7-6 shortly after the break but then Matt pulled his hamstring and retired to goal and Yellow took advantage putting one in straight away. Even score and then even numbers as Matt couldn’t continue – not from exasperation at the lack of passes he was receiving, just a hamstring problem. Yellow tried to take advantage but Daniel dived and got a finger tip to the ball as Jeremy tried to dribble around him – nice.  Not so nice when he failed to reach his intended target soon after. The same Jeremy intercepted and although Daniel got a hand to it, the ball flew in. 8-7 to Yellow. Sadly Tufan also then picked up a sprain and hobbled into the goal for the last ten minutes. Red down to three and half men and Yellow took advantage again and fired in. Red pulled one back but there wasn’t time to restore the equilibrium. Quite a good game except for the injuries (get well soon chaps) but on the bright side Jim got a hatrick and Richard P returned two old bibs. You remember – the stolen ones I went on and on about. Yes, Richard P’s your man.

Final score: Yellow 9 – 8 Red

Yellow: James, Ahmet, Manny, Patrick +2
Colours: Oz, Daniel, Xavier, Liam, James, Pripet

Sunny & firm. Although a moody, bad-tempered & swearing cloud hung over us for the duration of the game.
6-a-side. Their eight mixing with our four, slightly begrudgingly after we snubbed them last week.  Not much togetherness. Or love. Colours passing was slightly inaccurate though and Yellow often stole possession with James as the attacking distributive midfielder.  They took the lead with Ahmet rounding the keeper. At the other end as keeper he dithered a little in front of goal and the keeper he’d rounded earlier knicked it from under him to poke home. Yellow 2-1 up at half time. They never gave up the lead either, always keeping one goal ahead, despite Oz (also the attacking midfielder) holding up the ball well. Inevitably James and Oz finally came together, Oz barging him over. If there wasn’t a grudge before there certainly will be now.  Daniel had one session in goal at the beginning of the second half. What a stormer – kept his team in the game saving five (a finger tip onto the post, a tackle with two on one, a dive to gather and two blocks) out of six shots in ten minutes. (Yeah, this doesn’t happen very much so I’m gonna milk it). Yellow up at 3-2 and 4-3 and in the last 5 minutes it became end-to-end, Colours coming close with Xavier firing high but Yellow cemented the lead with James putting away after a two-on-one goalmouth scramble..

Final score: Yellow 5 – 3 Colours

Oz – My apologies. I didn’t realise you’d replaced the awful gloves with better ones. I retract my scurrilous accusations.