Match Report: 19.06.11

Red (4): Richard N, John G, James, Daniel
Yellow (3): Ahmet, Jeremy, JP

Happy Father’s Day! Overcast and still surprisingly firm despite a week of rain.
And believe they did, a magnificent, dwarfish, secret (it’s not a deadly sin to guess how many turned up but if you get it right, it wouldn’t be a wonder of the world) few. The one pass rule was implemented and Red couldn’t score from their own half, both imposed to limit a crazy scoreline. Did it work? Well read on and you’ll find out.
Yellow got us started with a two goal flurry before Red replied. It was hard work for both teams and a tit-for-tat scoreline, Yellow just about managing to keep one step ahead with Red only managing to pull level at 4-4 and then again 7-7 just before half time, which is also when John just about figured out the one pass rule.
Yellow seemed invigorated after the break and began to pull away, a four goal margin being the maximum gap. Posts were hit and open goals were missed and Daniel, sprinting to make contact with a long ball, was unable to stop in time and took out the whole goal and both ended up in a tangled and crumpled heap. And then the controversy started. Ahmet had possession down the wing and Red declared that it went out. Judging by looking up the markers one way it was out but when you looked the other way it was in. Ahmet decided upon the latter and Yellow scored from the subsequent run of play. Daniel then tripped JP with an appallingly timed challenge which probably looked deliberate but definitely wasn’t and left him sprawled on the floor. Sorry sir, I hang my head in shame. JP was involved later on being his usual twinkletoes self in front of goal with James blocking him. They both went down and the loose ball fell for Jeremy to poke in. Did James get a touch? Apparently he did so the goal was disallowed. Boos and whistles from the Yellow section and to make matters worse, JP damaged his ankle in that tackle and had to spend the last few minutes in goal (Get well soon sir) with the game balanced at 13-13. 

You can now take a decide upon two stories that describe the end of the game from a choice of A: Daniel’s world, or B: The real world.

A. Richard “Stormin’ ” Norman was precariously balanced, his feet firmly placed below and his arms pushing up above like a weightlifter. His muscles were tense and they twitched intermittantly. He’d been like this for a full 79 and a half minutes and the strain was beginning to show. Beads of sweat ran down his face and the salt irritated his eyes. He couldn’t rub them though, taking his hands away now was unthinkable, a path to an inevitable demise. The stench didn’t help, wafts of putrid air breezed past his flaring nostrils making him wretch like a 17 year old on her first night at The Swan in Stockwell. And then, just as he felt nothing could be done and was about to give up, he closed his eyes and drew up from deep inside his soul an extra ounce of strength. His eyes flicked wide open and you could see a spark of…of passion….desire…..and he let go with one arm, the other taking all the strain. At full stretch he reached down inside. He couldn’t see it but he knew it was there. And then he felt it and instinctively grabbed and held it firmly in his fist. With one last deep breath he tugged as hard as he could and yanked it out. With a mighty roar he held it aloft and jumped clear of the danger and where he’d stood immediately came crashing down. Yes! He’d done it! Against all the odds, he taken victory from the jaws of defeat.

B. Taking advantage of a weak JP in goal (don’t be mean, I meant the injury), Richard N popped up with a powerful strike low into the far corner 20 seconds before the end. Joyous scenes for Red who hadn’t been in front at all and low hanging heads for Yellow who’d just begun to grasp success only to watch it evaporate from their embrace.

Final score: Red 14 – 13 Yellow

No, it didn’t work. The highest combined goal tally of the year so far, 27. But everyone scored. Which was nice.