Yellow: Jim, Darren, Colin, Tufan, Eliseu
Red: Ahmet, James, Richard N, John G, Daniel
Right. So let’s get something straight before we start. I’m not sexist.
5-a-side and arguably the muddiest game since autumn 2010. And welcome back to John his first game of 2012 and to Darren, an enforced absence due to moving home – a false dawn though, he’s about to have his first child!�
A scrappy first half. Richard N got a lovely left foot shot to open the scoring after no one could get control in the Yellow area. After that the lead swap hands a couple of times, the scoring of each goal alternating from one team to the next. Red fluffed a hatful of chances and Yellow made them pay by taking theirs. Included in these first half goals were at least three goalkeeper nutmegs, the worst of which was a tight-angled shot from Darren on the right that had the power of an eight-year old, nay, six year old girl which deflected in between John G’s legs and in doing so knocked him over and he almost took the goal with him. Another ping-ponged around the heads of defenders and attackers alike, finally falling to Jim (has he scored since buying those fluorescent boots!?) who could only head against the bar but it looped out for Tufan to nod it down and in. 6-4 to Yellow at the break.
The second half was a different affair, much more open end-to-end stuff. Red got us started with a very quick goal within ten seconds of the re-start. Yellow responded with three of their own to make it 8-5 with half an hour left. They didn’t score after that and Red drew level. And then Yellow scored an amusing own goal. I missed what happened apart from the ball rolling into the Yellow net but it quickly became apparent that Darren had taken a “safe” throw back to Eliseu in goal. He didn’t control it and it trickled in. Red were very gentlemanly about it and scratched it off as they didn’t want to win like that. They wanted to score their own goals which Daniel promptly did with an awful scrappy finish to put them ahead. Ahmet made a lovely diving save to keep out a Tufan shot and keep Red in front.
And with seven minutes left she sauntered over and onto the pitch to interupt the game. A lady. I think we now know who ate all the pies. She looked as if she hadn’t run since….since….she looked as if she hadn’t run. And asked to join our team! Not necessarliy today but she wanted to join an amateur team (what gave it away?) to play every Sunday and ideally mixed. Now, correct me if I’m wrong but we’re quite a male-looking bunch of blokes? Tufan in goal had made an effeminate double-handed flap earlier but his beard surely makes things clear? So with the time-honoured excuse of “no girls” supported by “it’s bit fast and rough” I sent her packing. Except she didn’t. Ahmet made it quite clear that we were in the middle of a game, as if that wasn’t plain enough already (and I’ve since received an email stating he thought she was after a piece of him!). And I clarified that we’d never had girls play with us. But she didn’t budge and seemed adamant that we would welcome her with open arms (Can’t…quite…reach…..around). “What team do you play for?” she asked. I explained we weren’t a team, just a random bunch of well-to-do chaps who’d made acquaintances in the workplace or at university. This seemed to register. “You’re not a proper team?” I replied in the negative. “Oh.” And with a various recommendations of contacting the council, the East Dulwich Forum or general web-search, she ambled off. But the fact we weren’t a proper team seemed to have had the biggest impact. WTF??!!?? Not good enough for you??
Anyway, the stoppage seemed to give yellow the collywobbles and they capitulated in the remaining minutes with almost every Red attack ending with Colin picking the ball out of the net. Not his fault – an absent defence, commiting too much up front trying to restore parity. And as the chalked-off goal would have made no difference to final result (and wouldn’t have been scrubbed off at a less significant juncture) I’m going to put it back on!
Final score: Red 13 – 8 Yellow