VOTED AWARDS:
Moments of brillance coupled with a tendancy towards shambolic calamity, which Heurelho Gomes will turn up? Most unpredictable player:
5 – Jim N
3 – Gerald
2 – Ed
1 – Jack, Oz, Colin, Steve, Ahmet, JP
For the player who most frequently fails to take responsibility and blames anything except their own ineptness, The Mick McCarthy excuse Award:
5 – Kevin
3 – Jeremy,
2- Ahmet
1 – JP, Richard P, Matt
Needless hocus pocus, spellbinding magic or incompetent ballroom dancing? The Paul Daniels Award for trickery:
6 – JP
3 – Ahmet
2 – Tufan, Jack
1 – James, Daniel
“A snood you say, don’t mind if I do.” Mr Fashionista Award for most interesting attire:
5 – JP
3 – Jim N
2 – Oz, Daniel
1 – Paul, Gerald, James C
For the player who is perceived to epitomise good, solid, conventional footballing ability and who really understands the game. The Terry Butcher traditionalist Award:
5 – Jeremy
4 – John G
2 – Richard P, Kevin
1 – Richard N, Darren, James
For the unorthodox player who challenges the above and doesn’t really know what’s going on: The Laudrup avant-garde maverick Award:
5 – Ed
2 – Daniel
1 – Jack, Jeremy, Colin, James C, Tufan
Where’s that badge? I want to kiss it so much, with tongues. Not the national one obviously, just the club. Most passionate player Award:
3 – Richard P, James
2 – Ahmet, Daniel,
1 – Richard N, Oz, Jim N
So you think you can coach? The Kevin “officially the worst England manager (except for caretakers)” Keegan award for the vocal player with the most advice:
11 – Jeremy
2 – Matt
1 – JP
Yeah, hmmmm, zzzzzzzzz……. The Dimitar “whatever” Berbatov award for the most lackadaisical player:
4 – Jack, Stuart
3 – Oz
1 – JP, Jonathan
“Sniff, could you pass the tissues please, I really miss him.” The Danny Agger most injured player Award:
8 – Paul
5 – Tim
1 – Matt
“Oops. I do beg your pardon. That was completely my fault. No really, it’s your free kick, I insist.” The Nigel “Hai Ya!” De Jong award for most sporting player:
3 – Oz
2 – Richard N, Gerald, Jim N
1 – Tufan, Matt, John G, Ed, Ahmet
Throws a strop when things don’t go his way? The Arsene “2-0 up to Spurs only to lose 3-2, well that’s what happens when you don’t play Bendtner” Wenger bottle throwing harumpf award:
4 – Ahmet
3 – Matt
2 – Jeremy
1 – Tim, Kevin
Stopped in your tracks just like he was stopped in his prime. The Martin Laursen best defender Award:
6 – Jeremy
3 – Ahmet
2 – Darren
1 – Kevin, Richard N, Finbar, Jack
What do you mean that’s the wrong goal? The Richard Dunne Worst Defender Award:
5 – JP
3 – Ed
2 – Steve
1 – Jeremy, James C, Kevin, Tim
Accurate passing, visionary distribution, holds the ball up, never loses possession. Best Midfielder:
3 – James
2 – Steve, John G,
1 – Richard P, JP, Jeremy, Kevin, Matt, Ahmet, Richard N, Darren
In contrast, the Carson/James/Robinson/Green/Foster best England can offer award. Worst Goalkeeper:
7 – JP
3 – Gerald
1 – Steve, Tim, Ed, Daniel
….and Peter Schmeichel begat Kasper Schmeichel…and Kasper Schmeichel begat….who’s the spawn? Best Goalkeeper:
8 – Richard N
2 – Ahmet
1 – Darren, Jim N, Jeremy, Daniel, Colin
If Thomas Gravesen and Stig Tofting (once-upon-a-time two of Denmark most stalwart, persistent, always in your face, never say die players who, given the chance, would have sorted out “those cartoon problems” in two minutes flat) had a lovechild, who from our squad would it be? I’m talking playing style rather than looks. Mr Tenacious:
3 – Daniel, Richard P
2 – James, Gerald
1 – James C, Ahmet, Richard N, Tufan
I’ve mentioned him before so I’ll do it again. The Poul “Tist” Nielsen award (38 international caps for Denmark, 52 goals including 9 hatricks) for Best Striker:
7 – JP
2 – Jim N
1 – Ahmet, Oz, Jack, Richard P, Richard N
Post, crossbar, keeper, corner flag, the other pitch, sputnik. Anything but the target: Worst striker:
4 – Kevin
2 – Oz,
1 – Richard P, Ed, Tufan, James C, James, Gerald, Jim N
If only everything was as reliable as a Volkswagen. The unstoppable engine Award:
4 – Colin, James
3 – Daniel
1 – Tufan, Ahmet, Richard P, Oz
The passing, the control, the dribbling, the attacking flair, the defensive solidarity, the positional nous, the shots, the blocks, the goals, the saves, the team ethic, the enthusiastic perserverance, he’s got it all. Player of the Year:
3 – Jeremy
2 – Ahmet, Daniel, John G
1 – Ed, JP, Richard P, James C, Jim N
STATISTICAL AWARDS:
Biggest Winner #:
1st: Jeremy (17)
2nd: Jim N (14)
3rd: JP (13)
Biggest Winner %:
1st: John G 73% (8/11)
2nd: Darren 70% (7/10)
3rd: James C 60% (3/5)
Biggest Loser #:
1st: Daniel (19)
2nd: Jeremy (13)
3rd: Oz & JP (12)
Biggest loser %:
1st: Jonathan 100% (1/1)
2nd: Stuart 75% (6/8)
3rd: Tufan 67% (2/3)
Most boring player #:
1st: Ahmet & Daniel & Richard N (6)
2nd: Oz, Jeremy, James Gerald (5)
3rd: Tim B JP, Jim N, Ed (4)
Most boring player %:
1st: Rob 50% (2/4)
2nd: JJ 40% (2/5)
3rd: Tim B 36% (4/11)
Most Appearances:
1st: Daniel (41)
2nd: Jeremy (38)
3rd: Oz (36)
WRITERS AWARDS:
Bespectacled Player of the Year: Gerald
The Sol Campbell Award for the person least likely to show up after having said ‘Yes:’ JP
The ‘Hmmm, this is a bit different from Rugger’ Award: James C
The all round good egg Award: Jim M
The Wayne Rooney most likely to moonlight for another club Award: Matt
The “At last someone of a similar stature to compete against Ahmet” Award: Darren
